All right, so the first day of school went great for both mother and daughter. Lydia came home so tired that it took awhile for her to tell me what she actually thought. She seemed to love it even though the thing she talked about most was getting to watch TV. Ha!
Lydia enjoyed the second day even more because she got to go to the school library. Though I cannot deny that she likes watching TV any chance she gets, she loves books even more. I on the other hand had a much more difficult day, I missed her so much. I missed her laugh, her smile, her spunk, her imaginative made up games. I felt the strong urge to go pick her up and bring her home because that is where she belongs, with me. There is some really strong truth to that.
I have always believed that parents are the number one teachers their children will ever have and we are the most influential teachers they are ever going to come across. I do not take that job lightly and I try to do the best I can with God's help. Yesterday I felt the weight of giving my child over to someone else very intensely. The influence I have in my child's life has suddenly decreased dramatically and I, not being one to like change, don't like it. I want to know what she is doing and what is going on around her all the time and I simply can no longer do that. She is in school and no matter how openly she communicates with me I cannot know everything.
I know that letting go of kids is hard for every parent and there are many different levels of letting go. A couple weeks ago I went to a beautiful wedding and in talking to the mother of the groom she spoke of just how difficult emotionally it was to let go even though he is a godly young man marrying a godly young woman. Release and change are just plain hard!
So, I am somewhere in the middle today (3rd day) and feel confident that God is in control no matter how I feel. I desire and seek to know His will and plan for our family. I had quite a journey to come to the decision to send her to public school and really the reasons (which I will share in my next post) remain the same.
God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, spoke to me this morning through His Word. While the rest of my family were snugly sleeping in their beds and I was fighting the urge to join them I read this verse; "Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety." - Prov. 29:25. I am putting my eggs in the basket of trust today with Lydia and school. I want the safety and peace that trusting God knows where I am, where my family members are and knows that we desire to know Him more will bring. Thanks for listening to this rambling and emotional mother.