Cadence

Change

2012-02-10T14:57:00.000-05:00

I have never liked change. In fact, that is putting it mildly. I often avoid change with every fiber of my being. I avoid change because change always requires something of me. Change requires me to; self examine, tear down masks, forgive, confess, repent, humble myself, acknowledge my neediness, and well...you get the idea. Change requires me to adapt, surrender and trust. All of these things are difficult and all of them require something more than I can give. In order for me to change I must recognize I am actually incapable of change and need help from the only One who can change me, God.

Over the past year I feel as though I have been on an emotional roller coaster. When I began reading the Bible in 90 days in January of 2011 I had no idea just how much God wanted to get hold of me and change me. I simply wanted to gain a better understanding of His Word but He wanted to take me on a life transforming journey with many difficult personal revelations. During the past year nothing tragic or life altering has happened in my life circumstances. Our family has been healthy, our needs have been provided for, no crisis to speak of. However, there have been many painful personal and spiritual experiences where God has torn down idols and strongholds in my life. Quite frankly I have felt very raw, exposed and vulnerable many times.

I have wanted to hide, escape, control, deny or justify so many times, and plenty of times I have done just that. I feel like some of the things God has revealed to me about me made life worse before they got better and sometimes I am still not sure I have yet reached the better side of the issues. I have gained a better understanding of who God is and I know of His abundant love for me. He desires to be in a continual and intimate relationship with me. I can never out run His love and I am never turned away when I come to Him yet again. I am grateful for what God has done and is doing in my life and I am glad that a God I have known my whole life can still catch me by surprise and lead me to places I had no idea I needed to go.

So, have my thoughts and feelings about change been thrown by the wayside? Not really. I still cower at how hard it is to actually change. Sometimes I just like to think I am in control and that as long as I continue to do what I am doing life will be ok. But God is teaching me that He is the One who is in control. I know that He has given me my very breath so what business do I have withholding my life from Him? I want to live a life of surrender and freedom. The biggest and best change that could ever happen to me already took place in me when I placed my faith in Christ as my Savior. Becoming that change is the process of the rest of my life.

So, here I sit, typing about change and praying the truth of God's Word being confident that He will complete the good work He began in me. (Phil. 1:6)

Blessings!

New venture

2011-12-27T17:48:00.001-05:00

I am definitely a woman who likes to get on soapboxes. I can express my strong opinions on most anything and though this is not one of my best character trait and one I am working on taming, it is still undoubtedly true. Topics that I am able to express my opinions on are not always topics that I am passionate about I just get excited about something and then my loud mouth does the rest. Really, I am allowing God to change me in this area and it is one of the things that God is working on with me. That being said, I do have a topic which I am very passionate about and in an effort to share that passion and advise with others my husband Justin and I began a new venture today. We are co-authoring a blog about marriage and sexual intimacy called Do Not Disturb. We wrote a bible study by the same name for our church 2 years ago and since then have thought about the best way to bring that information to a larger audience and this seemed like the best way to do that. If you are married and want some refreshers on how to make marriage better or if you just have some burning sex questions check it out. Thanks for reading.

Here is the link to the blog.

5 things I am loving (frugal or not!)

2011-12-21T09:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, everyone seems to have read my last post on frugal ideas but only one of you commented with any ideas! Some of you may even have been scared by reading some of the things we do in our house to cut costs so I wanted to post some of the things I am loving right now. Some of these things are borderline frugal and some are not. Enjoy!

1. Dawn with Olay hand renewal - I wash all this dishes in our house so even though I would love to use natural and homemade dish soap I am really enjoying this right now. My hands get quite dry and this is helping take the edge off the cracking and bleeding that usually comes this time of year.

2. Coconut oil and coconut flour. Justin and I are not 100% committed to a grain free diet but are replacing some staple foods with grain free alternatives and these products are essential to do that. I love making pancakes and muffins with the flour and the coconut oil is great for sauteing. I also use the coconut oil as hand salve to prevent the dryness that comes this time of year.

3. Arm & Hammer Advance White Toothpaste - I have been struggling with a very sensitive tooth and after trying a few sensitive toothpaste brands Justin came home with this and I have found our new toothpaste. My tooth is definitely healing and feels much better. I have looked up a few homemade toothpaste recipes to try but I just may stick with this one.

4. Since I was having some tooth issues and Justin was too we decided to pre-spend some of our Christmas money. We always get Christmas money from our grandparents and we had a little "cushion" in the bank so Justin came home with a Phillips Sonic Care electric toothbrush. My teeth feel so clean and I am glad we made that investment.

5. Speaking of "cushion" Justin surprised me by buying me a new Christmas tree this year. After 11 years we finally own a tree. My grandmother had given me one when we got married and a few years ago the pre-lit lights went dead but being cheap and frugal I still didn't replace it. I have looked after Christmas the past few years but never justified the expense so Justin did it for me. We don't exchange gifts usually for Christmas so this was a nice early present.

6. Bonus: I have a friend who recently threw a birthday party for her son and instead of the guests bringing gifts for the child they brought gifts to fill Operation Christmas Child boxes. I absolutely love this idea! After a year and a half of being on the birthday party circuit I know just how frustrated I can get by seeing kids get all kinds of gifts they could care less about. I am all for celebrations but I know what my kids are likely to want, need and play with. Giving a gift to someone else that really needs it speaks to my heart so much. Just something to consider.

Thanks for reading!

Frugal ideas (yours)

2011-12-15T19:47:00.000-05:00

I have a dream. A dream that includes visiting the continent that stole part of my heart 12 years ago within this calendar year. However, this is a rather expensive dream and as such there are more sacrifices to be made in our home life to make it happen. I am by most standards a very frugal person. Radical even for most but not as much as some. Here is where you come in, I need your best money saving ideas and tips. Even if you don't regularly leave comments I want to hear from you.

I already do quite a few money saving tips and there are some suggestions that I have considered and am just not gonna do (paper products...enough said). I probably have some readers out there who could teach me a new tip or two so please let me know your ideas. Thanks!

Here are some of the things I/we already do:

Household:
Homemade laundry detergent, window cleaner, all purpose cleaner
Hand soap - we use homemade foaming soap in dispensers
Dishwashing soap - I use dawn and won't give it up (my hands are too important when you wash all the dishes)
Electricity - set thermostat, turn off lights and unplug everything not used daily
Cloth napkins, reuseable containers (no ziplock)

Health/beauty -
Basically here I just buy on sale and when we run out
I don't buy a ton of cosmetics but will continue to buy makeup and wear it
We buy supplements, herbs and vitamins and I am not really willing to budge on the brands we use

Food -
We don't eat out (very often) it really is a very special treat for us
Pack lunches everyday
Menu plan and I know exactly what I buy and where to buy it the cheapest

Clothes/shoes -
I know the free thrift store and when the sales are at my favorite thrift shop
I yardsale but only with a list in hand so I am not tempted to buy even something cheap if I don't need it
Shoes - I often buy secondhand but nice sneakers and shoes are a must for Justin
Clothes - I just don't buy much in this area, I have been very blessed by some swaps in the past and continue to get by with what we have

Medical expenses -
This is by far the biggest money waster and frustration I have, not sure what to do about this one

These are just a few of the things we do. Please advise if you have anything to add to my list

Encouragement of naming things

2011-12-09T13:19:00.001-05:00

Horror and shame came over me immediately upon hearing about a new Bible study that the women's ministry at our church is starting in January. You may wonder why horror and shame may accompany anything that has to do with studying the Bible, well, let me tell you. When you have walked the road as long as I have with food issues, shame and defeat tag along with you quite often. A few months ago I mention to some close friends and then on my blog that I felt completely defeated in the area of surrendering food to God. I felt completely out of control and completely unable to move forward. So, I have been going back to resources that have proven very beneficial to me and supply me with an ample amount of God's Word, love and grace. I am on the freedom trail....but I am not there yet. I have not arrived at freedom from my serious need to control.

So when I heard that a study using the very same material that I have found to be instrumental in my life in dealing with the very spiritual aspects of food you would think I would be excited. Instead I was upset and mortified. I have had this information in my life for over 10 years and yet I haven't found my way out of the muck and mire. I still have not let God lead me into the truth of all that He has for me. My immediate thoughts went to how mortifying it is to admit to having sound biblical truth in your life yet not consistently applying what you know. In my case it may even be magnified because the principles of living the Christian life are not only things I know but that I also teach. Could I really believe that I have any ability to believe that things could be different? If it hasn't happened in 10 years is it ever going to happen?

It didn't take long for me to feel God prompting me to reflect more on what I was feeling. Shame and fear are very different feelings than Godly conviction. I am willing to confess my sins in this area and I admit I need help in learning how to repent and turn from my sin. My desire to run and hide from the people leading this study kicked into full gear and that is never a good thing. My mask needed to come down and I needed to deal with the emotional upheaval of being able to admit that I still struggle and still need help.

I called the leader (who already knew of the struggle from past conversations) and I just said how awful it makes me feel that I have known for so long what to do but still after all this time struggle to do it. She was very encouraging and as we talked further I began to realize how much victory I actually do have in areas I had forgotten. I believe we all as humans have very short memories or that at least our memories fade quickly when it comes to blessings and victories in our lives. We have to consciously apply our minds and hearts to remember what God has done for us, in us and through us. As we were talking the Lord encouraged my spirit to remember that I am not the same woman I was 10 years ago and He has given me consistent victory in certain areas of my life. I found great encouragement in naming things, in giving utterance to the ways God has been faithful, gracious and loving in tangible ways in my life. I am victorious because God has made it so through the death of His one and only Son.

My encouragement to you is to remember. Take time to name the things you know that God has done for you, in you and through you. There is no better way to rest assured in God's loving faithfulness than to look back upon His loving faithfulness. God is good and if we let our current circumstances prevent us from seeing His past provisions we truly are blind.

Lord, open my eyes to see You. To see how you have loved unconditionally, given generously and provided skilfully all that I have and need. You are a God who is able to do immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine and I want to see You for Who You are. Thank You God! Amen.

Our day looked like this...

2011-11-27T19:45:00.001-05:00

We woke up and went to church. I was serving so we had to stay for both services. Sometimes it is difficult for the girls to have good attitudes about the second service but today they both actually wanted to stay, even past when I was done with my duties. After church we came home. The girls played nicely with each other and then we ate a late lunch. I started to get some Christmas decorations out and helped the girls put their Christmas trees in their rooms. Justin came home we talked a few minutes to catch up and we all watched a new movie that some friends had given us. After that was done we had some quiet time. The girls played together in their room but Lydia kept coming out of her room to let me know how much her tooth was bothering her and how she wanted to go to the dentist tonight. I worked on the final preparations for our Advent worship time later in the evening. Emma took her bath and Lydia worked on making some cards. We ate dinner and then had family worship time. Justin played guitar for our worship and then we began our Jesse Tree Advent celebration. Lydia read the Bible passage Emma put the ornament card in the tree and then Lydia prayed. Lydia took her bath, I read a few stories and the girls went to bed. It was a wonderful way to end a wonderful week of family togetherness. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving break and our hearts are full as we have so many things to be grateful for.

Today I want to remember...

2011-11-21T18:28:00.000-05:00

creativity. I am in the process of turning one of our hall closets into a crafting space. I have a lot of reasons I want to do this and have been searching out bargains to make it happen in an affordable way. I want to remember to encourage creativity in my my husband, my children and myself. Lydia, even as I write, is creating some thanksgiving cards in that hall space. She is discovering the fun and sometimes long process of coming up with ideas and then creating them. I hope that I can encourage my husband, my children and myself to enjoy the creativity God has given each of us. We were made in His image and He is very creative indeed.

My favorite story from today...

2011-11-16T19:57:00.001-05:00

Today I was watching 2 extra little girls, Emma, another 4 yr old girl and her little sister who is 20 months old. They were sitting around the lunch table and they got the giggles. The reason they got the giggles is the universally funny potty word "toot". Now, we don't allow potty talk at the table but once they were already laughing it is pretty hard to stop them. Besides, it is pretty hard to correct an innocent 20 month year old who is not your own. I let them have their moment before I put a stop to it but I couldn't help but laugh with them too. It just proves that no matter what age or what gender some words are always funny.

I am back to the prompts, I spent last week preparing for a youth event at church. 20 kids showed up and I hope they had some semblance of a good time. Thanks for reading!

Today You....

2011-11-04T06:41:00.000-04:00

...made me laugh. You always do. It is one of my most favorite parts of who you are. It was a rather mundane time of the day. We were brushing out teeth and getting ready for bed after a long hard day. We had been talking about finances and the long list of things in our house that were needing fixed or replaced and then it happened...you made me laugh. You said you missed getting socks and underwear for Christmas. How as a child no one ever wanted to open socks or underwear as a kid but how right now you would welcome it as, well, lets just say it has been awhile since we have spent money on those things. I laughed for about a minute straight because I know what you felt like when you said it. I can relate to wanting something new, I can relate to desiring for just the basics in life and being content with that. It was a refreshing way to end the day, so thanks you for always making me laugh.

Writing Prompts

2011-11-02T20:18:00.002-04:00

I love to talk, to process with words. I always have and always will. This month I am going to give a try to processing through written words. I am using some writing prompts to get me thinking and help me write more often. My friend Lorrie just finished a similar idea and my friend Misty is doing this during the month of November as well. Hoping to just begin posting regularly and refining my "voice" as a wannabe writer. Thanks for reading and hope you get to know me better as a result.

Overwhelming Gratitude

2011-10-30T20:05:00.000-04:00

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Whenever I pray, I make my requests for all of you with joy, for you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard until now. Philippians 1:3-5

I wish I could express in words just how much I love my church family. I am a very blessed woman to attend a church where one of the core values is that every member is a minister. It is amazing to see people use whatever gifts God has given them to touch the lives of others. I love that as a pastor's wife the mindset of our leadership is not solely to serve people but largely to serve with people. I have the amazing opportunity to work right along with some amazingly Godly and gifted people.

Today, the people who I love, the people who I get the privilege to share life in ministry with blessed our family in such a big way. You will never know just how much you are loved and how much your gift means to us. The thanks is truly ours to give to you! The prayer that Paul prayed and wrote to the Philippians is exactly how I feel about you. I give thanks to God for your ministry in my life. Blessings to all of you. I love each and everyone of you!

I love the creativity of the variety of gifts and to prove to you just how much we love you I felt completely comfortable taking the night off from cooking and using one of your gifts to have a wonderfully tasty dinner.

Cards (wonderful for those of us who love words of affirmations) and gift cards

Justin and Lydia enjoying their dinner. Any guesses as to which card from above we used first?


Emma and mommy too.

Coconut Pancakes

2011-10-28T11:09:00.001-04:00

I had a few friends ask me about this recipe, so here you go. This is not an original brainstorm but an adaptation of various other recipes I have tried.

Coconut Flour Pancakes

8 eggs
1/2 c. coconut flour
1 carton (6oz) Chobani honey yogurt
1 tablespoon raw local honey (optional)
Organic Virgin Coconut oil (for frying)

Beat eggs, yogurt and honey. Add flour and mix well. Coconut flour tends to clump so make sure you beat it well. Let mixture sit for 5 or more minutes. Heat griddle. Melt coconut oil on griddle. If you want some crispy edges use more, if not use less. Place 1/4 mixture on griddle and let it fry 2-3 minutes until nicely golden on one side then flip till done on other side. Serve with fresh fruit and pure maple syrup. Delicious!

Our family has been experimenting with some grain free recipes and cooking techniques and this is a keeper for sure. Let me know if you try it. Blessings!

Processing

2011-10-26T12:50:00.001-04:00

I am a verbal processor and love to talk through what God is teaching me and what I am learning and practicing from that. The only problem is that I often choose silence over verbal processing because it is more predictable and less overwhelming. By choosing escape I don't actually have to change and I don't have to face the possibility of failure. When I started this blog I simply wanted to share life and have a written journal (albeit public) of how I want to match my life to the rhythm of God. To be authentic in that I just need to write. I need to give voice to the good and the bad because that is all part of the process called life. It may not all be positive or encouraging, it may not be pretty or even well written but I want it to reflect me and where I am at.

I am processing through what feels like a lot right now.

Moments of victory
Moments of defeat
Intentional living
Surrender
Taking thoughts captive
Obedience

In the process of writing I am hoping to bring about a voice to the journey I am on in light of the truth of God's word and I pray that God is glorified. A couple years ago I wrote this mission statement: I desire to know and love God more and to consistently have my actions, attitudes and thoughts reflect a passionate love for Christ, recognizing this can only be accomplished because of and through His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love. I still love it and want to press on to having my life truly reflect this mission statement. I am really excited about where God has me right now but I also want to give up at times and choose to ignore where He wants to lead me. Anyway, that is some of what I am processing right now. Blessings to you and thanks for reading!

Menu Plan Monday

2011-10-17T20:23:00.002-04:00

Here is another week's worth of menu's. Had a great week last week and hope the same for this week. God is so amazing to me, how He answers prayers and is always able to help those who cry out to Him. Pray you are doing well this week. If you have any great recipes, please feel free to share. I would love to have more easy, healthy and great tasting recipes to add to my menus. Blessings!

Breakfasts:

eggs
coconut flour muffins (probably pumpkin)
fruit salad & toast
eggs in a frame
yogurt parfait
pancakes
smoothie

Lunches:

cottage cheese and fruit
hard boiled egg, veggies & dip, fruit
grilled cheese and veggies
peanut butter and jelly and yogurt
turkey sandwhich
tuna melt
soup

Dinners:

BBQ Chicken and sides
Soup & cornbread
Fish and sides
chicken cesar salad
make your own pita pocket pizzas
stir fry
enchiladas

Menu Plan Monday

2011-10-10T13:13:00.000-04:00

So, how does a person who is trying to escape the grips of an eating disorder plan menus? Just like I have been doing all along only with a lot more prayer than anxiety. The difference is that I am trying not to stress, worry, over analyze and control everything. Sure, a menu plan is a form of control but it also gives me the ability to spend money wisely and not have the concern each day with what I am going to eat. I don't waste needless time thinking about food. I have prayed over the food choices for the week and will be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit if there needs to be a change. If anyone can benefit from seeing inside my brain, food choices and nutrition this will give them the opportunity.

Breakfasts

coconut blueberry muffins
eggs
fruit smoothie & toast
eggs in a frame
yogurt parfait
french toast
cereal

Lunch

hard boiled eggs, veggies&dip, fruit
pasta salad with cheese chunks and veggies
fruited tuna
peanut butter and banana wrap
homemade lunchable
soup
pizza buns

Dinner

Fish, rice and veggie
Broccoli beef Stir fry with quinoa
chicken, sweet potato and green beans
meat loaf, veggie and mashed cauliflower
homemade chicken nuggets, mac n cheese and veggie
meatballs and green salad

Yummy! So many good things or at least things that sound good to me. Have a great week!

Not Alone - Book review

2011-10-06T05:24:00.000-04:00

Thereis no disgrace in allowing yourself to hope for something different. ~Alise Wright

Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, abuse, they all do the same thing. They play their sick little game until the person who is struggling resigns to what they believe is a hopeless existence. Isolation, guilt, condemnation, anger, helplessness, hopelessness play in the mind over and over again. All this serves to make a person feel alone. When any one of these struggles is present in a Christian's life, a person who knows they are blessed beyond measure and have no valid reason to feel this way (or so they've been told), the sense of being alone only increases.

The words at the top of this page really speak to me. Hope! I need it, you need it, we all need it. Without hope there really is no joy, peace or contentment in life. Sometimes though, hope seems elusive and just out of grasp. Others may experience hope and "normalcy" but it alludes the life of the person who is struggling. This is when stories like the ones I just read in the book Not Alone: Stories Of Living With Depression come in.

I had the opportunity this week to read this book and was blown away by the stories these brave contributors shared. Throughout the book you can read the stories of how depression and anxiety came into peoples lives to steal hope and increase isolation. Many of the stories include the recognition and admittance of depression, some include the devastating effects that depression had/has on their life and some share of how living on the other side of depression feels. Not every story shares about the wonderful "other side". Some of the stories share about the struggle of survival and managing the best they can while depression is still at work. I like that. I like that because I know that not every struggle we encounter will see its end this side of heaven and no one is alone in that.

I needed this book right now in my own life. I am feeling overwhelmed, ashamed and guilty about the depth of my need. Lies. All lies. I am not alone in my struggles and there is hope. Glorious, amazing, freeing hope. I want it. I suspect that many of you want it too. I cannot give you the answers as to how your journey will look or where your path will take you. I can tell you that my hope comes from the lavish and unashamed love that my creator has for me. I am not worthy of it yet He suffered and sacrificed His life all with me in mind. I have hope in His love and in His plan for my life. The only way for me to know this is to silence the lies that make it impossible to believe it.

There’snothing like writing down a book full of truth to stick it to a liar. ~ Tamara Lunardo

If you are looking for hope, looking to "stick it to a liar" then this book may be very helpful to you. You can buy it at Amazon or you can find out more information about the Not Alone project at Alise Wright's (the editor) personal blog. I wrote an entry about my depression on her Not Alone blog series.

Hope. Let us all search for and cling to hope. I take comfort in knowing this truth: "Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33b (NLT)

Be blessed!

Coming Clean

2011-09-28T20:48:00.000-04:00

My last two posts have alluded to the fact that something in my life is not quite on track and that is true. I feel like I need to come clean about what that is. At the beginning of the year when I embarked on reading the Bible in 90 days I was excited to see what God would teach me. 9 months later I am still trying to learn and apply the lessons God began during that process. God is graciously teaching me how to trust Him and to let go of the bondage I so often choose to live in.

I am currently working through (quite slowly I might add) Breaking Free by Beth Moore. In the first week she described bondage as being preoccupied by destructive thought processes. When I hear that definition I resonate with it because I know I am living in bondage. The question you may have is what am I in bondage to? One word won't really answer your question but I feel the need to confess I have an eating disorder. For most of my adult life I easily have said "I HAD an eating disorder" and I walked in security that it was indeed behind me. Over the last year and maybe more, my preoccupation with food has become very destructive. It is so easy for me to hide, justify or dismiss but I feel that I just need to come clean about it. Shame, guilt, fear, self-condemnation and all those other negative emotions have kept me down and I am sick of it! I want FREEDOM! The same freedom that Christ died to give me, I want it. I mean, I really want it. I want it so bad that I can no longer stay where I am at and be satisfied.

When I went through postpartum depression I know that the single most helpful thing I did was to admit that I was struggling. By confessing, seeking help and sharing my struggle I was able to begin the healing process and find the freedom that God desired in my life. I believe this confession will do much the same for me. I don't want to hide and I know that I am not alone in my struggles even if you don't struggle with the exact same issues. I don't want to reinvent this part of my life. I want to fall face down before my God and become the new creation I know He has already made me. Christ's death on the cross has already provided everything I need and He is more than able to lead me into freedom I just need to be obedient and follow hard after Him.

There is a lot of work God wants to do in my life and I need to be obedient to cooperate with His work. That is what is going on in my life. I know it is raw, ugly and maybe a bit to much for you to take in (if you are still reading) but it is where I am at. I want freedom and conventional ways have not worked for me, I can only cling to my Savior and follow Him. This really is a journey to freedom and though there are many parts of my life that are going great this is where I need to camp out for awhile. I know that God has much in store for not only my life but for yours as well. Blessings!

Kindness

2011-09-11T17:20:00.003-04:00

"Don't you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can't you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?" Romans 2:4 NLT

God is so incredibly kind to me. His kindness and faithfulness to me surpasses anything I can comprehend. He is more gracious and patient with me than I deserve. I truly believe God has me in a sweet spot right now, though I have to admit that sweet spot is proving very painful for me. I feel I have reached the point where continuing on would be more painful than staying where I am but that doesn't mean I want to face the pain right now. Still somehow I know God wants me to grow through the pain.

In my last post I talked about how I am pretty good at reinventing myself. If I just try hard enough and apply the right principles it seems as if everything will fall into place. This is a lie. No amount of effort on my own behalf will ever be enough to give me the results I long for. I want to experience real freedom, just as God desires me to have yet I often feel I sabotage myself and stop short of experiencing the kind of freedom Christ died to give me.

This morning our church started a series about being Courageous. The 3 key questions were: 1. Will we be strong and very courageous? 2. Will we put our trust in God? 3. Will we live out our convictions? I was particularly challenged by the second question, will I put my trust in God? It may seem unusual that as a professing believer who desires to see all people to place their faith in the saving work Jesus Christ did on the cross would not have trust issues herself but God keeps bringing to the forefront of my mind that I do indeed have trust issues. If I trust God with 99% of my life but do not release that last 1% then I obviously have trust issues.

It is hard to admit but I am still trying to cling and grasp control in one particular area in my life. Truth is, it isn't working. For all my grasping and trying to control I am out of control and less at peace than I should be or want to be. That is what leads me here. To this point. The place where true freedom and peace are on the horizon. But I need to trust, believe, give up control. I need to leap and allow God to catch me. I want freedom so bad I can taste it. I want to get outside of my own head in order to worship and serve God with a higher degree of surrender and purpose. God is so kind to bring me to this point and I am writing about it for anyone who reads to know about it. Keeping it to myself, journaling to myself, and all the other ways that I have tried to reinvent myself in this area ARE NOT WORKING! When Christ was on earth He was anything but conventional in the company He kept and the methods He used to teach, heal and draw people to Himself. Conventional isn't working for me therefore I am proceeding in the unconventional.

I am sharing myself and my struggles with you so that together we can celebrate the glorious way He makes all things new and how trustworthy He really is. I will share more specifics as time goes on but to those handful of regular readers I have I want you to know things are going to be different for a little while. It's just where I am at right now.

And as a side note for anyone who has been reading for a really, really long time (THANKS!) during communion today the song being played in the background was I Surrender All. Truly God is good and I am praying that I have ears to hear and a heart to apply what He wants to teach me. Blessings!

The Reinventing of Self

2011-09-06T17:42:00.008-04:00

Overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, tired, striving, failure...all these words have one thing in common, they often describe how I feel. No matter what title I may use to define myself (woman, pastor's wife, Christ follower, Bible study teacher, mother, friend, etc.) these words easily find themselves into any crack or crevice I have. Now don't get me wrong, these words do not define me nor do they define every area of my life all at the same time but too often they make an unwelcome appearance and are not dealt with very easily or willingly.

God is gently, and at times not so gently, teaching me why these behaviors, emotions and thought patterns are common in my life. I've already admitted on this blog that I am a perfectionist and I struggle regularly with control and pride issues. That being said I am going to add to the list, when faced with the ugliest sins in my life I often recognize the problem, confess it and then proceed to reinvent myself to eliminate the unwanted problem area from my life. Whether I reinvent myself through a new spiritual discipline, an accountability relationship, charts, schedules, and other such practices, the truth is that I am trying and striving to bring about my own freedom. I try to reinvent and manufacture the results and become the me I want to be. God can and does use all of those practices to bring about His work in my life but only when my attitudes and thoughts are focused on Him alone.

As I work through the Breaking Free Bible study by Beth Moore I am realizing just how much I want and need real freedom in my life. I want to experience peace, joy and God's presence in my life in new ways that I have not yet experienced. There are areas in my life that have never experienced continual freedom and victory the way God intends. I want to release my grasp on those areas and know that God is working. He WILL work but if I jump into auto pilot and just try to reinvent myself in that area it just wont work.

The idea of reinventing self is pretty popular and common. Self help books, seminars, various internet resources make it possible to reinvent yourself in any area of life. Diet, exercise, organization, homemaking, business, education, etc. You name it and you can find a support group or online forum to reinvent yourself in this area. I see 2 reasons I (as well as many others) do this, 1. belonging 2. necessity. I often desire to reinvent myself and quickly find help in this because I realize I don't want to be alone on this journey of life. Belonging and finding out you are not alone in any given struggle is encouraging and helpful. People can offer an invaulable amount of expereinece and help in the area of struggle. I am also led to reinvent myself because where I am currently at is causing too much pain so it seems necessary to make a change. The reality of it however is that it is easier for me to set goals, discuss strategies and get advice than it is for me to just SURRENDER. To listen to the voice of The One Who knows and wants what is best for me should be my first and only priority but often I get in the way of that most important thing with my own way of digging myself out.

I have so much more to write about what God is teaching me on this journey to understand and live in freedom but that will have to be written in several other posts. It is my goal not to make you wait another 4 months for that! Whether you can relate to anything I wrote here or not I pray that you are in the process of understanding and living in the freedom Christ died and rose again to give you. Blessings!

What's Next

2011-04-13T09:12:00.004-04:00

Last week at our small group meeting we had some great discussion and one of my favorite questions was this: "If somebody asks you what it means to live life under the influence of the Holy Spirit, how would you answer them?" I really liked the question and I feel it is a good place for me to start with my post today.

For me, the question holds the key to the answer. The two words "live life", for me, are an essential part of the answer. God wants me to live life with Him, for Him and by His leading. So much of my time as a stay at home woman, wife and mother is spent "living life". I live a life of laundry, cleaning, menu planning, shopping, being thrifty, teaching, caring, nurturing and so many other things. I am in the regular habit of spending time with God each day but if I regulate my life with Christ to the amount of time I actually spend in His Word and prayer then my time will attest to the fact that the time spent with God vs. the other activities does not even come close to comparing.

I must look at my life through the lens of living life under the influence of the Holy Spirit. That means I am open to the Holy Spirit to speak to me when I am doing the dishes or folding the laundry. I am open to hear words of encouragement, words of correction, words or promise and words of direction. I don't want to live life in a way that is oblivious to the fact that God is in me and with me during every activity I engage in throughout the day, not just my quiet time. How much sweet fellowship I would miss with my Lord if I believed I could only be led by the Spirit during traditionally spiritual moments.

As a follow up to reading through the entire Bible in 90 days I am taking some time to work through the Beth Moore study Breaking Free. I already miss reading large amounts of scripture but am so glad to be taking a more direct and personal approach to allowing God to transform my life. I am doing this study with a very unlikely group in a very unlikely way. My mother and two sisters are joining me and we are going to Skype our discussion times. I am so looking forward to growing in my personal life with God and growing deeper in my relationships with the women in my family.

As a family we are also embarking on some changes to the way we eat. Justin found out through allergy testing that he has a severe reaction to yeast and needs to get it under control to feel good or "normal" again. Some of the changes are going to be easy but some of the changes will prove difficult for our stubborn "I want to eat what I want to eat" mentality. I am looking forward to discovering new recipes and learning how to eat to live rather than live to eat. I know we will all benefit from these changes and it will help us function to the best of our abilities. For the time being though I am sure we will both have cravings that will go unmet and although that is a good discipline in the moment it is happening my flesh cries out against it.

Thanks for reading these rambling thoughts. Blessings!

Finishing

2011-03-24T08:53:00.002-04:00

Just a quick update to say that I did it! I finished reading the Bible from front to back and I did it in 81 days!

I love the Word of God and am so blessed to inundated my life in it for the past 81 days. I have so many thoughts and encouragements after reading this much this fast and only time will tell whether or not I compile any of those into a blog post but it has been an incredible journey that I am so blessed to have completed with God's help.

Blessings everyone!

"Winter Funk" ie. depression

2011-03-09T04:15:00.005-05:00

Alright, it's time to come clean about the quietness of my blog over the past 2 months. I've been experiencing what I will call a "winter funk". What is that? Well, here are just some of the words that describe how I have been feeling over the last 2 months: depressed, unmotivated, withdrawn, escape, addictions, overwhelmed, need to control, inability to control, guilty, ashamed, anxious, pride, rebellion, and just all around yuck. Not a very pleasant list is it? Still it is where I have been for awhile.

The thing about that list that seems to baffle me most is the list I can make of all the "right" things I have done during this time as well. Wanna see that as well? Here you go: daily quiet time (45min - hr), journaling, reflection, regular exercise, nutritious home cooked meals, vitamin/herbal supplements, enough sleep, regular communication with people who love me and care about me, regular service of others and regular time spent with my children and husband. That is a pretty good list and if I believed that depression could be entirely prevented or have a quick fix that is the list I would turn to and direct others to.

Common questions to someone who is suffering with depression in the Christian world are, how are you doing reading the Bible and spending time with God? My answer is a resounding very well thank you. I am in the home stretch of reading the Bible (cover to cover) in 90 days. I have 18 days left before I finish it which actually has me finishing ahead of the 90 day mark. And before you assume I am just reading to read, know that I have been journaling (most days) about what stuck out to me about my reading for the day.

Another set of questions, how are you eating and exercising and are you getting enough rest? Well, this one is a bit more dicey for me to answer. I have found that no matter how much victory I walk in, food is an issue for me. At my best and at my worst food has always been a source of struggle and addiction for me. I have cooked nutritious and relatively healthy choices but no matter how you look at it, if you make tasty, organic muffins, eating 5 at one time can never be a good idea. My problem with food hasn't been health it has been over abundance. I have spent time escaping from life (a great one by the way) by eating. I have been exercising and well, anyone who knows me knows that getting enough sleep is a bit of a habit of mine. ::grins::

So, what have I learned and where am I now? Well, once again I have learned control is an illusion. I don't have any. I can do my best to prepare/prevent, I can do my best to survive and I can do my best escape the clutches of depression but I really don't have any control over the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical toll it takes. I can't pinpoint any one thing that brought it on nor can I pinpoint why it finally feels like it lifted in the past week.

I have also learned that "doing" all the "right" things is no guarantee to living a care free life. My life is blessed, immensely blessed and God, in His mercy, reveals that to me everyday in some way. Recognizing that and trying to remember that in the midst of what feels like such a storm is not necessarily easy. I have been greatly blessed by God through reading the Bible in 90 days but if I choose to say "OK God, I've spent my time with you, now I can do what I want to do with the rest of my time", then I am missing out on the surrendered life God wants me to live.

It has been a rough couple months but I am again reminded just how much God loves me, how precious I am to Him and how much He wants to be included in every part of my life's story. Even the ugly parts. There is never a season or time in life where I am beyond God's love, compassion and mercy. I am so glad to know that I am not alone in this world and I am also glad to know that I am not the only person who feels this way sometimes.

I found great encouragement from this blog post at Granola mom 4 God that helped me finally admit I was indeed going through something. Much of what she wrote and confessed echo my heart and experiences over the last few months. I have written and talked about depression before and part of my experience with postpartum depression can be found here.

Never once did I lose the feeling of hope. Maybe that was because I was reading God's Word and saw time and time again God rescuing His people from their own sin and rebellion or if it was God's extra grace in my life for this season. Whatever the reason I know there is hope for everyone through the power of Christ living inside of each person who puts their faith in Him. I encourage you to look to Jesus Christ in faith for grace to endure all life's circumstances.

Thanks for reading!

Bible in 90 Days - Update 1

2011-01-03T20:16:00.002-05:00

Alright, I woke up bright and early this morning and began my daily reading plan. I have joined a group of over 750 other people who have committed to reading the Bible in 90 Days. I am excited and looking forward to the challenge.

I know that by reading through the Bible in 90 days there is not much, or should I say any, time to really process what you are reading. I am leaving that up to God. I am praying each morning that God would show me at least one truth that He wants me to recognize each day from my reading. I am praying and reading with expectation that God is willing to meet me where I am at through the course of this reading plan.

God did just that this with this mornings reading. Reading from Gen. 1 through Gen 16 I was struck by the account of when Hagar was being mistreated by Sarai and runs away. In Chapter 16 verse 7 it says, "The angel of the Lord Found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur."

God met Hagar where she was at. He found her. He sought her out. God cares about all of us and He meets us exactly where we are at, even if it is in the wilderness.

Thought for the day - God meets us where we are at.

Blessings!

When loneliness and life are overwhelming...

2010-12-25T17:46:00.005-05:00

remember you can be lifted up by others.

Check out this video about how community can rescue us.

I know have many people in my life right now who are suffering with loneliness and depression and I want them to know that there are many around them who care for them and who love them. I want you each to know that I care for you and will get down and dirty in the mud with you to help in whatever way I can. God Bless and give me a call if you need anything!

Gearing up for Bible in 90 days

2010-11-29T20:34:00.003-05:00

All right. I'm gonna do it. I am going to read the Bible in 90 days. I've read through the Bible several times but am looking forward to reading it in a shorter amount of time than a yearly plan.

I spent 5 of the last 6 weeks at Boot Camp to get my physical body in shape and I want to do a crash course in my spiritual life too. I am looking forward to the challenge and encourage anyone who wants to join me to do just that. Let me know if you want in on the challenge.

For those who regularly read this blog, I will be using my other blog as my home base and check in for this challenge. You may want to switch which site you read.

Thanks and I will keep you posted.

A Breath of Fresh Air

2010-10-05T09:04:00.003-04:00

Hello. My name is Megan and I'm a perfectionist.

It's true. I've been a perfectionist my whole life. I never recognized it as a kid or teenager but it has become overwhelmingly obvious as an adult. I like control, I like order and yes, I want to be perfect. I unfortunately have spent much time building up my own perception of what I need to be and the impact it has had on my life has often been devastating.

I am currently leading a Bible study at my church about perfectionism and I am loving what God is teaching me. I am leading this study because of my own need to be free from perfectionism and because I think in many ways we are all perfectionists. Sure, you and I may look very different in how perfectionism plays out in our lives but in a society that cares about image and perceived success, perfectionism plays a part in all of our lives.

I am really learning so much about what the Bible has to say about striving to earn God's love, remaining in God's love and worshiping the approval of others. I do not use the word worship lightly here as I believe when we are striving for perfection and gaining our self worth through the eyes of other people (or even our self) we are worshiping someone other than God. God wants us to be free to experience His overwhelming grace, love and forgiveness in our lives but in order to do that we have to know, I mean really know, what God has done for us.

I want to take the next few minutes to present some of the wonderful verses that God has given us in His Word that have been a breath of fresh air to my soul. As a person who strives to earn what has already been given to me I am able to take a deep breath and breathe in these grace filled promises. I pray you are able to do the same.

Romans 3:20 - For no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are.

Romans 3:22 - We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are.

Romans 4:5 - But people are counted as righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners.

Side note: the word faith appears 24 times in the first 4 chapters of Romans. God only "requires" faith.

Romans 7:6b - Now we can serve God, not in the old way of obeying the letter of the law, but in the new way of living in the Spirit.

Romans 8:1 - So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:11 - The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you.

These are just a few of the verses from ONE BOOK that reiterate just how much God wants me to trust Him. There is a certain work that is done in us and through us when we put our faith in Jesus Christ and that work can never be achieved aside from faith. God bless!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-09-21T16:53:00.001-04:00

I really do hope that I am capturing all the wonderful moments with my children. Parenting is by far the hardest job there is but I am so blessed that I have such gorgeous and precious girls. Take time today to capture the images in your life worth capturing!

New Blog

2010-08-31T12:41:00.003-04:00

I've started a new blog if you are interested in a more practical look into how I plan my preschool lessons and our family nights. Check it out at: http://parentingbeyond.blogspot.com/

Thanks for reading and stopping by!

The Decision for schooling

2010-08-27T12:56:00.003-04:00

All right, so the first day of school went great for both mother and daughter. Lydia came home so tired that it took awhile for her to tell me what she actually thought. She seemed to love it even though the thing she talked about most was getting to watch TV. Ha!

Lydia enjoyed the second day even more because she got to go to the school library. Though I cannot deny that she likes watching TV any chance she gets, she loves books even more. I on the other hand had a much more difficult day, I missed her so much. I missed her laugh, her smile, her spunk, her imaginative made up games. I felt the strong urge to go pick her up and bring her home because that is where she belongs, with me. There is some really strong truth to that.

I have always believed that parents are the number one teachers their children will ever have and we are the most influential teachers they are ever going to come across. I do not take that job lightly and I try to do the best I can with God's help. Yesterday I felt the weight of giving my child over to someone else very intensely. The influence I have in my child's life has suddenly decreased dramatically and I, not being one to like change, don't like it. I want to know what she is doing and what is going on around her all the time and I simply can no longer do that. She is in school and no matter how openly she communicates with me I cannot know everything.

I know that letting go of kids is hard for every parent and there are many different levels of letting go. A couple weeks ago I went to a beautiful wedding and in talking to the mother of the groom she spoke of just how difficult emotionally it was to let go even though he is a godly young man marrying a godly young woman. Release and change are just plain hard!

So, I am somewhere in the middle today (3rd day) and feel confident that God is in control no matter how I feel. I desire and seek to know His will and plan for our family. I had quite a journey to come to the decision to send her to public school and really the reasons (which I will share in my next post) remain the same.

God, in His infinite wisdom and grace, spoke to me this morning through His Word. While the rest of my family were snugly sleeping in their beds and I was fighting the urge to join them I read this verse; "Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the Lord means safety." - Prov. 29:25. I am putting my eggs in the basket of trust today with Lydia and school. I want the safety and peace that trusting God knows where I am, where my family members are and knows that we desire to know Him more will bring. Thanks for listening to this rambling and emotional mother.

School Days

2010-08-25T10:29:00.002-04:00

First day of school for Lydia today! I can't believe how fast these five years have gone and how I cherish everyone of them.

You may wonder how I am going to spend the day.

1. Dropped her off and said goodbye. She was ready and after 5 years of energy, time, instruction and love I was too.

2. Came home and worked on a few puzzles with Emma per her request.

3. Nice workout.

4. Blog for the first time in a month and a half. (I've been soaking in all my measured moments with my little girls)

5. Cleaning and organizing. (one of my favorite things)

6. Planning a nice leisurely lunch.

7. After lunch I am going to run some errands and go shopping with just one kid.

8. Pick Lydia up and hear how much she enjoyed school.

I am so blessed to have had the past five years getting to know and raise her and am excited to see how she responds to and changes the world around her. I know she is a world changer because she has changed mine so much.

Justin has the camera with pictures so I will post them later.

Spiritual Disciplines

2010-07-07T14:49:00.002-04:00

I am a big fan and proponent of spiritual disciplines. I have always had a desire to grow in the areas of prayer, Bible reading/studying, meditation, memorization and the like. I hope that those who know me most know just how much I love God's Word. I find that it is my source of strength and encouragement for everything in my life and I spend time everyday reading the Bible. I started reading the Bible on a daily basis my freshman in college and though that was a number of years ago I am still very far from being a Biblical Scholar. I have however read the Bible in it's entirety a handful of times and keep going back for more.

There are many reasons I love the Word of God so much and I want to share a few. I know that when I show up to my quiet time I am doing something good for myself and those around me. Sure that may seem a bit selfish but it's true. There have been seasons of my life that reading the Bible is about all I can do and yes, as a young mother, I have even been known to yell at my kids to stop bothering me while I am reading my Bible. Now granted, that is not a recommendation, but it's also the truth. During the year after Emma was born and I was struggling with postpartum depression I read the entire Bible that year and it felt like such a huge accomplishment. I didn't take time to study, memorize or meditate much but just showing up to the the Bible, God's living and active Word, helped me through that year.

Another reason I love the Bible is because I have never found reading it to be repetitive. Having read it more than once I can still say I read things in it I have never read before. That has to do with the Holy Spirit and the fact that I don't always write things down and certainly can't remember everything. The Bible has simply never gotten old for me.

I find so much personal application and worldly application that I just read the Bible to understand myself and the world around me in a way that glorifies God. I read the Bible to better understand love, grace and forgiveness. Holiness, righteous living and how to glorify God. I read the Bible to survive and thrive in this life.

Now, I say these things for a couple reasons. 1. To encourage you to read the Bible and to see just how God wants to work in your life. 2. To invite you to a dinner my church is having on Sunday in which you can hear one of the women who has instilled in me a passion for God Word speak. I owe a lot to this woman and her taking a young woman and turning her into a woman who loves God's Word. If you want more details let me know and I will be glad to share the info so you can soak in some of her wisdom and advice.

Funny Friday

2010-07-02T09:34:00.003-04:00

Apparently I am raising a shopper. Emma loves to sing and I caught her the other day at lunch singing Never Let Go by Matt Redman. I didn't realize she even knew the song because we don't sing it at Boost 226 on Sunday mornings and those are the songs she usually sings but regardless this is what I heard her singing. The lyrics to the chorus are as follows: "O no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm...." Emma's lyrics: "O no, You never let go, through the calm and through the store..." I thought it was priceless and it made me laugh. Apparently she goes shopping with God.

On another funny Friday post to purge myself of motherhood confessions. The girls and I took the recyclables to the bins today and it is funny to me to judge just how well the month went. When I see several pizza boxes, mac n cheese and (are you ready for the worst of it) yes even spaghetti o cans I know I was not on the top of my game. I can say menu planning is something, that even though I am a perfectionist, I am horrible at. Have a blessed weekend.

Church Signs

2010-06-29T10:49:00.002-04:00

You've seen them. Church signs that make you say, uhm..., or what? or just shake your head. I've seen a lot of church signs in my day and most of the time I just move on with life and try not give to much thought to them. Some signs go for the corny or cheesy sayings, some try to be thought provoking, some try to convict and point to the truth, and some simply try to be informational.

Now, I love volunteering at church and have since I was a young girl but can honestly say that I would never want the job of church sign maker-uper (?). I try to be gracious towards the people who come up with the quotes and scriptures that they believe others need to hear and think about. Though I often find myself disagreeing with the methodology which they are using to provoke thought in others in order to reach them I rarely have serious theological issues with what is posted. That is until I saw the sign I saw this week.

I was amazed that such a short phrase could evoke such head spinning thoughts for me but it did just that. I am trying to be gracious towards the person who put it up and I am trying to understand why it was allowed to stay up but nonetheless I wanted to be on record at just how much this has no reflection on who I believe God is. Are you ready?

The sign read as follows: "Don't make me come down there. - God"

Wow. Let it sink in a minute or two and see if you can come up with why this sign would bother me so much.

Now that you have thought about it I will give a few reasons (though there are so many) that the sign bothered me enough to blog about it.

1.) He already did. It is a foundational teaching of the Christian church that God became man and dwelt among His people. Jesus was born the Messiah, GOD WITH US!

2.) As Christians we are supposed to desire with hope and expectancy the second coming, so yes, I do want Him to come down here.

3.) If I try to think about why the writer of this sign thought it was cute I guess I can see that they were trying to tap into all the parents who have either said, wanted to say or will say these exact words. The problem I have with this is that God in NO WAY can be compared to any human parent EVER. God is not sitting in heaven waiting for us to mess up, He does not want to instill in us an unhealthy fear of behaving perfectly nor does He leave us to our own devices to figure it all and and hope for the best. God is unlike any person we know and therefore cannot be compared to anyone or anything.

Obviously blogs are a wonderful place to share personal opinions so if you disagree with me that is ok you don't have to read my opinions. My goal with this post was not to be divisive or sarcastic but to help people who have serious issues with God being compared to a Father throughout the Bible to not misunderstand what that means. God is unlike any father we have ever known and I want what we as Christians to reflect His love and grace towards His children. Yes, He is holy and perfect, but He loves and forgives without conditions.

Feel free to share your thoughts on this as well.

The journey of friendship (part 2)

2010-06-25T16:34:00.000-04:00

Jumping right in. In her book, So Long, Insecurity, Beth Moore asks the question, "Where on earth did we come up with the idea that we have to subtract value from ourselves in order to give credit to someone else?" I think that is a very valid question but in regards to my journey of friendship the road I took through most of my life was just the opposite; where on earth did I come up with the idea that in order to place value on myself I had to subtract it from someone else? I did NOT learn the answer to this question in High School and basically entered college and my young professional life believing that though there were people who could and did do this I needn't be one of them because I just didn't need friends. I knew that gossip and devaluing others was wrong but didn't get in that trap nearly as much because I didn't have anyone to do it with nor did I need anyone for anything.

Lisa Whelchel says in her book that she was "adept at appearing transparent without being vulnerable." That is how I survived being in relationships, bible studies, small groups and ministry without absolutely starving for friendship. I have never had a difficult time sharing where I am at spiritually, what God is teaching me, how I am flawed, where I am stuck or where I am walking in victory. I know and own my own junk (as far as I am aware of it) and have never really struggled to appear transparent but at the same time I never really sought to fill the need for others in my life.

After Lydia was born we were in a small group with 4 other couples and I can barely describe just how much we all needed each other at that time in our lives. I finally had some friends. It felt nice and we had so much fun. For the first time in my life I had a couple women I could call up to go to a late movie or to the mall or just to hang out with. It was refreshing and brand new to me. I felt accepted and loved for being me and that was a great thing. I had never known that in my life regarding friendships and I couldn't get enough of it. Yet I still did not pursue much depth of need beyond the fun, laughing sharing and downright freedom of it all. I would say that I did not risk vulnerability at that point out of habit, fear and perfectionism.

Friendship is risky business and though I have always been pretty good at transparency, vulnerability is a whole other story. As a perfectionist and a control freak friendship terrifies me because I will never be able to do it perfectly. I tend to get caught in 2 different traps. 1. I choose to keep it at transparent and do not pursue vulnerability because that admits I have needs, expectations, wants and desires that may not be able to be met. 2. I risk vulnerability, inevitably screw it up and then live in regret and fear which makes me withdraw. Number 2 has most vividly shown up in family relationships because we are, for lack of a better phrase, stuck with each other. When I am vulnerable and real that means I will unintentionally (or even worse, intentionally) mess up, hurt someone and then have to move forward, learn from my mistakes and keep going. The only problem is that I don't know how to move forward. I have yet to learn how to show change because I don't choose to be vulnerable or risk again for fear of messing up again.

So, where does that leave me on my journey? Still learning and moving forward. About a year and a half ago I took a relational risk by attending a small group women's Bible study at my church about being in accountability relationships. I was so excited about the opportunity to be in a large group of women who were interested in the same thing I so longed for, deep and meaningful relationships. The study was 4 weeks long and during that time we were asked to pray about who God might be leading us to speak with about pursuing a relationship with. In my desperation for friendship at that point I felt that I could hit it off with just about any woman there and so when it ended I just kinda waited. To say I wasn't crushed when not a single person called or contacted me would be a lie. I knew there were other women there who didn't know many people and with whom I felt some connection with but still, nothing. I chose not to let that stop me and I contacted the person God had most laid on my heart only to find she was meeting with someone else. I am sure I got off the phone, had a good cry and resolved to retreat back into my shell and not risk anything again. In God's grace, it eventually worked out and God really has purposed for us to meet regularly and I am learning sooooo much from this relationship and am so glad that I took what felt like such a huge risk.

I decided once again in January of this year to take further relational risks and approach a few people about my need for relationships. Some have been reciprocated, some have not. However, I have discovered this so far in my adult relationships. Not all relationships are the same. Over the past 5 years I have had relationships that have a natural chemistry, mutual benefit and enrich all aspects of my life. These kind of relationships will know my daily goings on and will laugh at the silliness of this thing called life. When that kind of relationship collides with the next it is even better. I also have a need for some relationships that have a different purpose, those where I know and can be known. I want to know someones heart and I want them to know mine. These type of relationships sometimes take more effort because, though I don't believe they are always forced, they may not be as natural or fun. They are harder to carve out precious time for but I believe necessary to do so. I now recognize my desire to know the people that my husband and I minister with at a deeper level. I desire to have them know my heart, my passions, my hopes and dreams and my gifts, not so that we can be best friends and hang out all the time but so that we can better serve God, our church and our community together. Friendship for me is about sharing vision and vulnerability together and it is the word "together" that has taken me 30 years to recognize.

Chances are that if you have read this far you are either already part of my journey or I really want you to be. I want to know you and I want to be known. There may not be much hope for me to learn all the social skills of friendship that one learns in childhood but I believe I can learn to listen rather than talk, to offer comfort rather than spout off answers (both of which are very hard for me) to love rather than fix. I know God can do all these things and I don't want my own fear to hold me back from trying. Blessings friends!

The journey of friendship

2010-06-24T03:52:00.000-04:00

Friendship has never been easy for me. I've just never understood it nor has it come naturally to me. This is a bit odd because my sister is probably the living embodiment of what it means to be a fierce friend. You would think I would have picked up some tips along the way and maybe I have but I am still floundering in actually learning how to make, keep and be a real friend.

I have been doing a lot of really good reading and am pleasantly surprised at just how far ahead I am on my proposed summer reading list. I am more than halfway through the books I wanted to read this summer so I have been adding to my pile. One book in particular was on the bottom of my pile but I bumped it to the top yesterday and I am so glad I did. Friendship for Grownups by Lisa Whelchel. All I had known about her as a writer up to this point was Creative Correction which only gives a limited perspective into the parts of her life that she wants you to see. The perfect storm of Emma taking a long nap, Lydia being very content to play alone and an unexpected evening off when Justin got home allowed me to finish the book in one afternoon/evening.

I could so relate to some of the things Lisa spoke about in her book. You see, I never learned much about friendship in elementary school as I was never popular or particularly well liked. I find it completely foreign when people remark that they still have friendships that exist from childhood. Jr. High was not much better and what I learned about friendship in High School I wish I could somehow unlearn. High School contained all the right basis for what could and maybe should have been a great experience with friendship but really just turned out to be a failed experience into what friendship should be.

My earliest memories of friendship were of befriending the outcasts and the people who were different. That continued through Jr. High. High School however provided a different experience because I had a group of friends that had relatively the same schedule and of course being in band and choir solidified who I would hang out with. I don't know that I struggled anymore than any other high school student with my identity and finding out who I was. I mean sure I tired on a few different hats to see what worked best and where I fit in most but in the end I was content to just be me rather than constantly change who I was. On the other hand, the actual practice of friendship in my life at this point was devastating. I have said many times that the only thing I learned about friendship in high school was that it wasn't necessary and that it wasn't safe. The group of friends that I had made it common practice to gossip about the people who were not there at the time. We didn't gossip about other people in the school, only the people who we were "friends" with and who were absent at that moment. From these lessons in friendship I learned that I don't need anyone, I can only depend on myself and friendship is not safe.

I operated on these assumptions for quite a long time. I was dating Justin when I went to college so I missed many opportunities to learn about friendship out of sheer busyness and knowledge that I was going to be married at a young age. To let you know how bad a friend I was, I can't even remember my college roommates last names. Of the three that I had I can only recollect 1 name. That is what I call pitiful.

So, where does that bring me now? Well, if high school, college and early adulthood didn't force me to recognize my need for friends having kids sure did. When I had Lydia and began to stay home I recognized just how much I needed other people to rely on but learning about friendship from the age 25 on has been a difficult journey. More of my journey to come in another post. It is the wee hours of the morning and I must go back to bed.

Summer Reading list

2010-06-03T15:39:00.000-04:00

I like TV. Sometimes I wish I didn't but at the end of the day I like to wind down by watching a show or two. I only have few that I follow regularly but can watch something just about every night. I like to read too but often don't take the time to read as much as I want so summer is always a great time for me to spend more time reading. Here is my current reading list:

Parenting Beyond Your Capacity - Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof
Boredom Busters - Barbara Vogelgesang
Making Children Mind without Losing Yours - Kevin Leman
Friendship for Grown-ups - Lisa Whelchel
So Long, Insecurity - Beth Moore
The Eden Diet - Rita Hancock
Discipline of Grace - Jerry Bridges
The Joy of Fearing God - Jerry Bridges

I have several others I am sure I am missing and would gladly take suggestions. Here's to a great reading summer!

Love, Lust and Ten Years

2010-05-27T09:22:00.000-04:00

Ten years ago on this date I stated my vows before God, family and friends to love, honor and obey my wonderful husband Justin Wright. Ten years later we are still married and madly in love with one another. I've come to the conclusion that most people get married because their mate brings out the best in them but marriage also has the tendency for our mates to see, experience and bring out the worst in us at times. Marriage is a great culmination of commitment, companionship, faithfulness, loyalty and above all LOVE. A marriage that focuses on ALL that love includes can survive insurmountable obstacles.

Several years ago when I worked with the middle school youth group at Chestnut Ridge Church one of the other female leaders (a reader of this blog I believe) gave me a print out about the difference between love and lust. Not lust as a sexual desire but lust as selfish desires that live in each of us and are the ugly side to all of us. The list was based on 1 Corinthians 13 and basically showed how lust is the opposite of the love God desires us to show those around us.

Love is patient - Lust can't wait; it's impulsive
Love is kind - Lust is critical; it wants its own way
Love does not envy - Lust seeks more than it earns
Love does not boast - Lust builds up self no matter who it hurts
Love is not proud - Lust is easily threatened
Love is not rude - Lust is disrespectful
Love is not self-seeking - Lust is demanding
Love is not easily angered - Lust is moody and lashes out
Love forgives others - Lust says "vengeance is mine"
Love hates evil - Lust does anything to get its own way, it rationalizes
Love rejoices in truth - Lust encourages lies and tries to hide sins
Love always protects - Lust doesn't care who it hurts, it just wants its own way
Love always perseveres - Lust backs out when times are tough
Love always hopes - Lust says, "If you blow it, you're out"
Love never fails - Lust stops when it isn't being served
Love is unending - Lust lasts just for a while and then fades
Love is enduring - Lust is insecure
Love is faithful - Lust will cheat on you
Love is commitment - Lust is not trustworthy

So, how does my ten years of marriage measure up in the love department? Well, lets just say that lust, as defined by this list, has definitely entered our marriage. I am selfish, critical, moody. I want my own way, I am demanding and want to have my needs served. These attitudes do not characterize my heart for my marriage on a regular basis but they certainly have shown up over the last ten years. I believe that each of us marries to get a mate and find out we got a mess instead (make sure you include yourself in that equation!) I have seen time and time again that love, when applied as 1 Cor. encourages, can bring about the glory of God in marriages. From the couple that stays married despite infidelity, to the couple that overcomes multiple surgeries and physical difficulties. The couple that finds out just how different they are and maybe change so much they feel they don't even know each other. Any couple that survives infertility, miscarriage or the death of a child. Marriages that survive infancy (at least in my opinion!) and raising kids. Even though flawed, marriages that survive and thrive are a picture of the love that God has for His people. He loves with perfection and His love is completely unconditional. Lust never characterizes His love for us. I have grown in my desire over the last ten years to learn and work at applying to my life loving in this way. Not only in my marriage and my parenting but in all my relationships. I have a LOOOOONG way to go but I am so thankful that I have a great God as a perfect example and a great God-given life partner to walk through this journey with. I love you Justin and pray that God would make the next 50 years better every day!

Thanks for reading and I pray that you would be blessed and encouraged to evaluate your love life towards those around you.

Visit to the farm

2010-05-26T19:09:00.000-04:00

As a follow up to our farm week last week, we went to visit a farm today. In the past I have taken the girls to the WVU farm kids day but the weather wasn't great this year and it was the week I was going out of town for a conference so we didn't make it. I met a woman at MOPS this year and she has a farm so we went to visit her. The girls loved it and Lydia is convinced that she is going to live on a farm some day. We got to pick eggs that had recently been laid, see goats and horses and Emma was even brave enough to feed the chickens from her hand. It was a great day and so much fun for all of us. I forgot my camera so I don't have any cute pics but we will probably make another visit over the summer since my friend has a baby due and we would be more than willing to take her a meal. That's it for now. Gotta go get some rest after a very fun and busy day.

Farm week

2010-05-21T09:38:00.000-04:00

Farm activities - ready to go!

Farm collages with rice and other fun stuff that pops out.

Several activities included getting in the pond. The girls loved these activities!

It has been an absolute blast having farm week. I loved planning it and had a bunch of great ideas and the girls had fun too. We had crafts, activities, songs, books and a lot of fun. I have a friend who lives on a farm and we are going to take a trip to visit her in the next week or two which should be a great field trip. Next week we move on to food and nutrition because without farms we couldn't eat.

Two things about farm week. The first is a funny story from Lydia. We were reading a book about a farm. One page was about how the cows were out in the pasture. In order to reinforce good vocabulary I asked Lydia what a pasture was. She told me that a pasture was a field where animals ate and were fenced in so that they couldn't escape. Pretty smart, but then she did some funny word association and also told me that a pasture was a person who talked to you, like Pastor ______ and Pastor Daddy. I still believe that is one pretty smart girl and love just how much she makes me laugh.

The second thing that I am once again realizing (have been for awhile now) is just how much of a perfectionist I am. When I take time to plan and organize things it really throws me for a loop when things don't go my way. Even a simple craft can cause a certain amount of anxiety for me when I have in my mind only one acceptable way to do it. God is really working on my perfectionism in all my relationships and just how much I want to be in control of everything. I have so much to say about this but not the time right now so expect a longer post about this soon.

BTW, if anyone is ever interested in borrowing or using my ideas and theme weeks let me know. I have files for the games and ideas on my computer and would be happy to share. That goes to say that if you have any great ideas, please pass them my way. Thanks.

Ninety again!

2010-05-13T09:58:00.000-04:00

All right, it's time to end this blogging hiatus. Thanks if you've stuck around and are reading this!

Growing up, my sisters and I were introduced to a variety of musical theater productions because my dad was a very theatrical person. One of my favorite records (yes, I said record) was of the musical called Two by Two. It is a comical look at the Bible story of Noah. I can still remember bits and pieces of several songs but Ninety Again comes to mind in comparison to my current experience in life right now. In this song Noah is excited about the fact that he hasn't felt this good in a long time. I am feeling this myself recently. I love teaching and so I am really enjoying the role of mother right now because there is so much I can teach my girls. I am so excited about planning units to teach the girls. Units on colors, numbers, ocean life, farms and so many other cools things. I spend time preparing books, crafts, activities and songs much like a teacher prepares lesson plans. The effort and time are paying off by my getting to teach and by the girls getting a lot of time with mommy.

This is also coming at the end of one of the biggest spiritual endeavors I have ever entered. The Do Not Disturb study concluded a few weeks ago at church. Justin and I wrote a study on marriage and sexual intimacy and taught it at our church for 4 weeks. It was a huge blessing to our marriage, to my own spiritual walk and hopefully to those couples who attended. I loved preparing the study and felt stretched in every way while putting it together. I have done public speaking in the past but never anything of this magnitude and spiritual importance. The first evening was a really exhilarating experience and much like sharing the journey God had taken me on over the last 10 years of marriage. I am so blessed to belong to a church that was willing to take a risk to discuss something that is so important and take a risk on wild cards like Justin and me. I loved teaching and preparing the material and hope to work on a project like this again in the near future.

I am so enjoying rediscovering the role of teacher in my life that if I were to write a song today I would title it, I feel like I'm teaching again!

Creative Tip Tuesday

2010-04-19T20:34:00.001-04:00

All right, this is for all you frugal, save a buck kinda people. I recently saw a blog post about the color wheel activity idea here that made me come up with this idea. I love the website Totally Tots and get a lot of ideas from there and from some of their contributors so I cannot claim total creativity on this idea. The girls always come home from church with crafts and coloring pages that almost always go straight into the craft box that I empty a couple times a year but after seeing an idea about putting sheet protectors over worksheets so they can be used multiple times I thought I could do the same with the church papers. When they have a sheet protector over them they can be used with play dough or some food color water with medicine droppers. I tried it with the girls today to go over their lessons from this week and last week and they had a blast. I converted a few nice coloring/activity books into sheet protectors as well so that they can be used several times. I think this is going to be a great way for my girls to do activities and games and is a great way for me not to have to waste a ton of paper and printer ink by printing them over and over. If a person has access to a laminator then that is the best idea but since I am too cheap to buy one, sheet protectors will have to suffice. Here are some pictures of the girls using the medicine droppers and colored water.

Chasing Butterflies

2010-04-15T15:02:00.002-04:00

We've had a couple busy, fun and exciting weeks here. I love finally being able to get outside and am enjoying just how much the girls are learning to play together. So many things to update but pictures first.

The loot after Easter Egg hunt!

Easter week crafts

The Last Supper dinner table

After Easter sale - 40 cent entertainment!

Butterfly week - painting caterpillars

Emma putting beads on caterpillar pipe cleaner

Lydia adding caterpillar circles - math skills

Chasing butterflies - literally! (It is a really good work out. )

I actually caught one and it was pretty neat. I found the nets at Gabes for 99 cents and I am sure they were worth it.

On another note, 27 couples signed up for Do Not Disturb. We had our first night and were really excited about the turnout and the discussion. I will post more about this later.

The week ahead

2010-03-25T18:43:00.000-04:00

I grew up going to a traditional Lutheran church and I have very fond memories of the Advent and Lenten seasons. I find that attending a modern church that does not really celebrate the traditional church calendar compels me to be a bit more intentional about my own spiritual preparation for Christmas and Easter and I also feel encouraged to teach our girls in a more hands on way. Though I do favor hands on teaching all through the year I am loving the ages the girls are at and just how excited they are about the stories we read and teach about.

Our virtue this month is obedience and the girls are really doing well. (I will post how we are teaching it at another time.) This coming week I have organized several crafts and projects to work on. We will be learning about Easter through the help of the colors in our Easter basket and each day we will focus on a different color and what they represent in the Easter story. We will wear that color, play with toys of that color, eat that color, paint/color with that color.....well, you get the idea. I love teaching kids because the story of just how much God loves them and what extraordinary lengths He went through to show His love is so new to them. I am challenged to be renewed in my sense of awe towards just how much was sacrificed for me! I can echo the prayer that David prayed, Lord, restore to me the joy of my salvation. Let this Easter season take you deeper into your journey with the One True Living God. Blessings!

Musical Monday

2010-03-22T20:14:00.000-04:00

IT IS SPRING! I am so excited after a week that included getting outside everyday. I love the freshness of spring, digging in the dirt and all the newness of life that seems to come alive. Spring is a wonderful reminder that although things may appear dead in the winter there really is life there waiting to be made new.

Michael Gungor Band just released a new album a week or two ago and I have really been enjoying it. There are several songs that have led me into some holy moments of worship and I wanted to share the lyrics to one of those songs. Beautiful Things captures, for me, one key characteristic of what God does, He makes all things beautiful and new. From chaos to order He created the world we live in, throughout history He has chosen to use broken people to accomplish His perfect will, from death to life He has brought us out of bondage from sin into salvation through His Son Jesus Christ. I am so amazed that He continues to make beautiful things out of my life.

Beautiful Things by Michael Gungor Band

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll even find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Here is the YouTube link (it is worth the listen) - www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqy1a_Gz0zQ

Thoughtful Thursday

2010-03-18T21:11:00.000-04:00

I never cease to be amazed at just how much God teaches me through my children. I know that God would have found other ways to teach me lessons if I had not had kids but the richness it adds to my life to learn so many life lessons from them and through them is incredible. To date one of the richest lessons I have learned from my girls is about control and how I don't have it. No matter how much I worry or become anxious about things I am continually reminded that I am not in control. Having experienced postpartum anxiety and depression and just the over all experience of parenting has forced me to confront my struggles with worry and anxiety. Above all other parenting goals I have for my kids it is my desire that they would understand that the chief end of man is to glorify God. I say this to them and myself over and over again because I want them to understand that there is no greater goal and accomplishment in this world than to glorify God in all that we do.

Tomorrow is a big day for me, I'm not sure it is a big deal for anyone else in our house but it is for me. Tomorrow I register Lydia for kindergarten. I think there must be something wrong with the calendar because there is no way that she is that old but I have been assured that she is indeed that age already. It seems like such a short time ago that I found out I was pregnant and now she is entering school. I never once considered anything but public school for our girls until this last fall when I knew it was the last full year I would be spending with my firstborn. I spent a great deal of time praying and talking to others and though Justin thought I was a bit off my rocker for even considering homeschooling he prayed with me and let me talk about it. In the end I believe we are making the right decision for our family by enrolling Lydia in public school but it does not come without a great deal of concern and fear for me.

I was listening to a teaching by Erwin McManus earlier this week and he had a quote that really resonated with me. He said that "Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the absence of self." I am freely admitting that I am struggling with the fear of releasing Lydia to the world. I know that she is not mine, she belongs to God, but I still have been given the responsibility to raise her and that is not a task I take lightly. I have spent the last 4 1/2 year shaping, molding and pouring into her life because I believe so much in the importance of the first foundational years but now I am releasing my grip on her. Up to this point I have been the most influential person in her life and to give even a little bit of that away to a teacher and her peers is pretty scary to me. Through the midst of this I have to understand that God is in control and though I may be struggling with fear I know that the courageous thing to do is to step out of the way and let God do what only He can do. I need not to look at myself but to look at Him and His goodness and trust that He is working in Lydia's life.

I know there will be many other situations I will face as a mother that send me to my knees in prayer and there will be times that I can't see what God is doing in my life or the lives of my children but I want so badly to remember in those times that it is God who is in control and that my selfishness and desire for life to turn out the way I have planned is not what God wants. I want to be courageous despite my fears by releasing to God my wants and desires and exchange them for His perfect and pleasing will. God is good and I know He will accomplish a good work in Lydia's life.

BTW, if I wrote this long a post about kindergarten registration you better watch out for the first day of school!

Happy St. Patrick's day

2010-03-17T10:35:00.000-04:00

I have never done anything to celebrate St. Patrick's day but this year I made some crafts and cookies with the girls and we watched the Veggie Tale short about St. Patrick's day and that is about as good as my celebration gets.

Here is a good quote (that I stole from a friend of mine) and some pictures.

St. Patrick's Day (385-461 AD) Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ within me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ at my right, Christ at my left,...Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me, Christ in every eye that ...sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me. --St. Patrick

Creative Tip Tuesday

2010-03-09T11:00:00.000-05:00

Two primary goals I had when I started this blog were to 1. document some of the daily happenings around our home and 2. document some of the things that God is teaching me. No audience is necessary to reach these goals but I figure if someone else can either laugh with me, at me or learn alongside me its all for the better. The tip I have today is not particularly creative or as much a tip as it is a goal but I figure if I am learning it myself I may as well share it here. I find that in learning how to apply creativity to every area of my life I can easily get overwhelmed and discouraged. I try so hard to find the perfect schedule or routine or time management skill that makes my life perfect by allowing me to get everything done that I want to accomplish and enjoy life too. That is quite a lofty goal and one that I believe is unattainable because I often look in all the wrong places to figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing.

The tip (or should I say life lesson) today is to learn to be content. Phil. 4:13 says "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." I want that to be true of my life, knowing that I have strength to do all things. So, if I am empowered by Christ to do everything why is it that I sometimes end up feeling as though I have accomplished nothing? This verse is a great encouragement to many people but in the context of the preceding verses it becomes much more clear as to what the "everything" includes. Vs. 11-13 say, "Not that I (Paul) was ever in need, for I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." The impact of verse 13 seems so much more powerful to me when I recognize that Paul is talking about contentment in the life circumstances I am in rather than the power to do everything I want and think I should do. I need to learn to be content in the life God has given me rather than be on a self improvement plan to get the life I want. I have to remind myself that God cares more about my contentment than my productivity.

I have a deep desire to be a creative wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, volunteer, and well you get the idea. You see there are so many different roles we all have in life that to be creative in all of them is only possible when we recognize we need to be content in all of them. Constantly striving to be the best, most creative person in every area of my life causes discontent because I am never able to attain the perfection I long for. I try so hard to be content in the things I think "should be" that I miss out on being content in the here and now. Linda Dillow - "Most of us either try too hard or we quit trying. In both cases, we miss God. We miss His infusion of strength that leads to contentment." I like that quote because I am a person who try's too much and often I miss God's strength because I am just going about doing my own thing in my own way. I often apply creativity to life trying to change my circumstances rather than resting in His strength to help me right where I am at. Paul is reminding us that we are to learn to be content and trust that God will give us the strength to do so. Paul learned something that I am still learning. I am not sure that it was ever his plan to live on an empty stomach or have little, but he learned that it was not for him to strive to get out of it, he could have applied every effort he had to find a creative solution to deal with his circumstance but instead he learned to be content. This leads me to ask myself whether or not I want God's strength to accomplish my plans or if I want His strength to learn to be content.

I get overwhelmed by using creativity in my different roles when I lose focus on being content in them. God wants me to learn to trust Him to guide me and lead me rather than looking to other sources for validation of my efforts. God wants me to be faithful to accomplish that which He wants me to do and to go about that creatively but I do not want to lose sight of God in the midst of my plans to accomplish everything. I want my "everything" to line up with the "everything" He has for me. Contentment is not an easy path and it is something that must be learned. Some gifts God gives us are free and require nothing more than our faith and trust in Him but the gift of contentment is one that comes as we learn to rest in Him and learn to know His voice in our life. I am so glad God is a patient teacher as my learning curve is not always the speed I would prefer. Contentment is a journey and I am glad that you are reading about how God is using it to change me for His glory.

Culinary First

2010-02-27T19:11:00.000-05:00

Justin and I have watched some of the Olympics over the past 2 weeks and although we have gone to bed too early to see many medals awarded we have seen a Long John Silvers add a few times and it has given Justin the hankering for some hush puppies. Knowing just how horrible they are for you I decided to try making my own at home tonight.

I made the batter, started the oil in the frying pan and then went to put the last few ingredients in. Justin walked into the kitchen and saw smoke coming from the pan and I knew that was a bad thing. Yes, we experienced our first grease fire. We tried to put baking soda on it (Justin's suggestion) but we only had about half a box so we ended up throwing the whole pan, grease fire and all, out into the snow in the back yard. The cabinets are fine, the smell is disipating thanks to febreeze and the hood of our stovetop needs to be repainted. I cleaned it as best as I could but it will need to be painted to make up for the fact that it has a big burn mark on it. Oh, the joys of trying new things. We ended up going out to Cracker Barrel and the rest of the evening has been uneventful but we are very glad to be safe and sound and no worse as a result of this cooking adventure gone awry.

Here is an article on how to put out a grease fire just in case you are wondering. We tried to do it right but ended up doing what they tell you not to do by taking it outside.

http://firstaid.about.com/od/hazardousmaterials/ht/06_greasefire.htm

Thoughtful Thursday - fasting

2010-02-25T11:31:00.000-05:00

Fasting is a spiritual discipline that was once a very common occurrence in my life but has become more difficult and therefore less practiced in my life. As a college student and even a young married woman I took great delight and ease in denying myself from physical food for short or long periods of time. Now, preparing three meals a day plus snacks for 3 other people who have needs often proves more than I want to handle. I do participate in fruit and veggie fasts and the occasional fast from food till 3pm but have not done a full fledged fast in a loooonnnng time.

That ends today. My niece Deborah is participating in the 30 Hour Famine this week and I am supporting her by participating as well. I participated in the 30 Hour Famine when I was in high school and the program/event had a significant effect on my life. I can remember seeing a video clip about how many people in the world don't have clean water to drink and I made a choice at that time that I would never again complain about water. I can remember several of the other activities we did that weekend but that is the one that has always stuck with me.

I am taking the day to focus on just how many physical and spiritual blessings God has given me and to remember the journey He has brought me on so far. I am also really excited to share this experience with my niece.

Creative Tip Tuesday

2010-02-23T08:12:00.000-05:00

I have come to believe that to enjoy life (and all that includes) it takes A LOT of creativity. I also know that I do not possess enough creativity on my own to make life very much fun or enjoy the journey. The truth is that there have been season's in my life where I have not applied creativity and as a result didn't really delight in that season of life. I know my children are young but there are so many days where I lack any creativity at all and need help and guidance. In these times I know that I need a boost of energy.

There are two ways I choose to handle these times. First, I choose to remain attached to the vine. John 15:5 says' "I (Jesus) am the vine and you are the branches. If a man remains in me he will bear much fruit, apart from me you can do nothing." This verse really sums up my thoughts about creativity and life. When I remain attached to and abide in Christ rather than trying to accomplish things in my own strength I will succeed. Second, I look to other people as examples for how to apply creativity to my life. In writing these creative tip Tuesday's I want to encourage other people that indeed everyone is creative sometimes and we should not be afraid to share it. I will include creative tips on all areas of life, some from my own brain and some I have either taken or adapted from other people and sources.

I think too many people fail to share what is really working for them or their creative ideas because they feel guilty because they know they don't measure up to that same level of creativity everyday. I personally am convinced that this side of heaven no one will ever measure up all the time and we will all have "those days" where it all goes wrong. I am choosing not to let this mindset keep me from sharing things that matter to me and work for me. Be encouraged that I do not have it all together (far from it) and I only want to share to build others up and encourage others to search out creative ideas for living.

If you are a fellow blogger may I ask you to consider adding Creative Tip Tuesday to your repertoire occasionally so we can all benefit and learn from your most creative ideas. I would love to learn as much as I can from as many people as possible. Thanks for reading and enjoy a few creative winter activities I have done with the girl.

I try to choose a theme for each week or two then just use the internet to search for crafts (2-3), books, games, activities and songs. It really isn't my creativity but my time searching to find other people's creative ideas.

Top picture and second picture were from our week on snowmen. I like to include as fun snack or theme meal each week. The girls helped with making them.

Snowflake activities: crafts, snacks, games songs, books etc. This activity is where we talked about how God washes our sin to become white as snow, we made a snowflake craft and stood on the stool and taking turns to turn white as snow. (I love to make God centered activities each week for the girls to focus on too, often these themes/virtues run all month long.)

These are our mitten activities: we sorted, threw them in a basket, played hid and seek, 3 different crafts, mitten sandwiches, acted out The Mitten Story book and sang a few mitten songs.

Funny Friday

2010-02-19T20:14:00.000-05:00

The other morning the girls and I were playing with Safari animals and I was teaching Lydia some interesting facts about animals. I told her that both the lion and the leopard were predators and taught her about the word prey and what it meant. In the evening during our bedtime reading we were reading The Lion who wanted to love and the word prey appeared. In order to review our vocab word from the morning I asked Lydia what the word prey meant and Emma piped in "Dear God" and prayed in her usual fashion. I thought it was really cute.

By the way, Lydia took the picture. Not bad.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-16T21:28:00.000-05:00

Snow day activities

Marriage Monday

2010-02-14T16:27:00.000-05:00

The name of the blog today makes me want to change it because, what on earth can I have to say, I've only been married 10 years this May. That being said, I am very passionate about God's Word and He has a lot of great things to say about marriage and if I keep His Word as the basis on which I will write then I think that can't be a bad thing.

I have been doing a lot of reading recently on the subject of marriage and sexual intimacy. As I blogged previously, Justin and I are writing a small group study for our church and have been really working hard to pursue excellence in our research and compilation of the information we have found. In the past 4 months I have read over 15 books on marriage and sexual intimacy and read several commentaries on several key scripture passages pertaining to marriage. In general I have found 2 things to be true. There is a lot of information out there about marriage and about sex. Some of it is really good, sound, Biblical advice and some of it is not. A really positive thing I have found is that the church is no longer silent about sex and, in part, rather than being known for what God is against regarding sex there is a great deal of people discussing the freedom God has given with sex in the proper context of marriage.

The second thing I have found to be true is that marriages outside and inside of the church are being destroyed at record numbers. With almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce it seems that lack of information is not the issue. If you go to Amazon and type in marriage books you will get over half a million hits. Information is not a problem. Obviously I would not qualify all of that information as helpful, pertinent, good or Biblical but it still goes to show that information is not our biggest problem.

So, if finding good information is not the problem what is? I believe that in every aspect of our lives finding solid information about what we are dealing with is relatively easy yet there is a disconnect between knowing that information and applying that information. I know that in order to meet my goal weight I have to eat less and move more yet if I don't do one or both of those sides of the equation I will not reach my goal. The same is true in marriage. If we have read and studied what God has to say about marriage but do not apply it, there really is no change. One of my favorite quotes I have run across in my recent reading will be the starting point which I use on this first installment of Marriage Monday. This quote leads to what I believe is one of the most prevalent reasons that just having good information available is not enough to motivate change. In their book Intimate Issues, Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus write the following quote: "Marriages are never stagnant, they are always going somewhere. If a marriage is neglected it will follow the principles of deterioration, which says that all things (our bodies, our homes, and yes, our marriages) tend toward decay. But if a marriage nurtured and tended, it will flourish." If we don't spend time and energy on our marriages then they will deteriorate. Whether that leads to divorce or just a lack of what God calls "oneness" in the Bible there is no escaping the downfall of relationship.

As I end this first installment of Marriage Monday on the day after Valentines day, I challenge you to look at what you have done recently (not just yesterday!) to really nurture and tend to your marriage. Being that marriage is the greatest earthly reflection of God's love towards mankind I would say He has a great deal of personal interest in your marriage, ask for His help and He will show up.

Thoughtful Thursday

2010-02-09T20:24:00.000-05:00

A book that has had a big impact on my life is The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges. I first read this while on a mission trip to North Africa after my freshman year of college. One thing he talks about is how we need to preach the gospel to ourselves everyday. I find that to be true because for some reason I still tend to believe that my goodness matters to God. Although God is pleased when I obey Him, spend time with Him and so on, these things in no way change His love for me or make me more deserving of grace. That's just it I do not deserve grace. My best days, those where I do, say and think the right things, are no different than my worst days when I can't seem to get anything right. No mater which kind of day I am having I still need God's grace and I still need a Savior.

The girls have been sick for what seems like most of the winter, nothing major just cough and cold symptoms. I have finally discovered why I don't like it when they are sick, I can't control it. I can't help it, I can't make it go away and it affects every aspect of my life. Last week the girls were sick all week and undoubtedly it was a bad week. I was grumpy, tired, stir crazy and just plain having a bad week. I was very well aware just how much I needed God's grace but still didn't necessarily change my behavior or attitude. I was not a good example to my girls of so many of the character traits I want my girls to possess.

The great thing about God's grace is that because we all need it all the time there is no disqualification for being used by God. Just as Rahab was used to save the Israelite spys in the midst of her sinful life, God can choose to redeem our bad days for His glory. I had the privilege of experiencing this last week. We were having a pretty good day after what had been a rather long, grumpy week and the girls and I sat down to eat our lunch. We are working on memorizing 1 John 4:19 for the month and I asked Emma to fill in the words I left out. She said something about God dying for us and although that is not what the verse says it began a life changing conversation with Lydia.

We have talked with Lydia on several different occasions about salvation and how we all sin and need a Savior. Up to this point she has had no interest in praying to receive Christ as her Savior but this time was different. Whether it was the fact that it was a bad week and she really understood that none of us are without sin or that I went over the bridge diagram with her, this time Lydia did want to pray the special prayer. She repeated a prayer after me and in what I believe to be all the sincerity a 4 1/2 year old can have asked Jesus to be her personal Savior. I was stunned that she actually wanted to and was overjoyed to be the one to help her cross the line into faith in Christ. Though I recognize my job is not done (far, far from it) I do believe that children have a great capacity to believe and have faith in God. I am so blessed that God can use any moment for His purposes and He can redeem a sinner like me into a vessel to be used for kingdom purposes. Thank you God for Your unfailing love and abundant grace in my life.

First enstallment - wordless Wednesday

2010-02-09T19:18:00.000-05:00

Cinderella and Snow White came to visit and I (the evil [step] mother perhaps?) put them to work cleaning the house. This is how I keep my sanity and a neat house at the same time.

Getting with the program

2010-02-09T19:05:00.000-05:00

All right, I've really got to do something about my lack of posts over the last few months. It is nothing short of ridiculous that a fellow blogger who just had a baby 1 1/2 weeks ago has already posted three times and I have not posted in more than a month. That aside I have some ideas about some blogs and just need to take the time to get them posted.

I am trying to come up with some topics that will help me just be able to run with an idea from time to time but I am certainly not bound to any one topic or style of writing. Here is what I have come up with so far:

Marriage or Musical Monday
Creative Tip Tuesday
Wordless Wednesday
Thoughtful Thursday
Funny Friday

and that's it for now. I hope this can help me feel a bit more organized with my blogging thoughts as I enjoy the therapy of blogging but I don't always know what to say. That is not exactly true, I always have too many things to say and instead of writing about one of them I don't write anything. Anyway, these are some ideas that may become more regular in my blog this year. Thanks for sticking with me if you are reading this.

Making ammends with houshold appliances

2010-01-06T07:53:00.000-05:00

My vacuum and I are good friends. My vacuum "Red" and I have cleaned up many crumbs and pine needles together and we see each other on a regular basis. We have developed a close bond and I am sad that my children want to now interrupting the time we spend together by "helping out". My washer and dryer, which remain nameless, also see each me on a regular basis but there is no fondness to the relationship there. We begin and end most days with rendezvous' yet our bond does not grow stronger and I will not be sad of the day when we are broken apart because of others taking over our relational duties.

Other appliances I have a good and growing relationship with include: my stove and oven, my blender, toaster, mixer, refrigerator, my television and DVD player and so many others. As the new year begins I am taking time to reflect on some skills that have become rusty and one of those skills involves a household appliance, my bread machine. We've had an on again off again kind of relationship, although to be totally honest it has mostly been off again for quite some time. For the last 2 days I have made homemade bread each day and had forgotten just how much I like and have missed it. I started using my bread machine when I really took hold of the "all natural" way of eating. I was really good about using it and always having fresh, natural and healthy snacks and meals on hand. I have somewhat faded in my enthusiasm for being as healthy as I can possibly be but I am determined to make some changes this year and making bread is one.

Some pitfalls I expect to encounter are as follows: 1. It takes a lot more planning and preparation to cook and bake healthy foods. Probably the reason I got out of the habit. I need to spend time making menu plans for everything we eat and even though I do make most of meals from scratch I need to make them a bit healthier. 2. I expect some resistance from Lydia and Emma as they have gotten used to a few too many sweet treats and the occasional junk food. I know that my efforts will be worth it but I also know I will experience some fits along the way. 3. Time and money spent shopping will increase.

Positive outcomes I hope to achieve: 1. Living in a way that I know benifits my body, mind and soul. 2. Stronger immune systems and physical bodies for all our family. 3. Reaching and maintaining my ideal healthy weight. 4. Blogging from time to time about how my efforts are going. Well, that is it for now. Just got back from Food Lion with some healthy foods and am making an attack plan with some healthy recipes.

Please let me know your favorite healthy snacks and meals. Thanks for you rinput.

Happy New Year

2010-01-03T20:08:00.000-05:00

Well, with such a long time having passed since my previous post I am not even going to try to catch up on the happenings of my life over the past few months. Other than to say we've been sick off and on since the last post and then the holidays and a whole lot of me not wanting to sit down at the computer at night after the girls are asleep brings everyone up to date.

With the start of a new year I am looking forward to setting some goals and continuing working towards some old ones. I am excited about the journey that God has me on and praying for more discipline in some areas that are getting a bit rusty. I know that God is faithful to help when I call out to Him and I know He is ready to have me draw even nearer to Him.

Right now I am trying to take advantage of the last months I have with Lydia before she starts school in the fall. I want to try to love on her, prepare her and just let her know that God is always there for her. I've definitely stepped up my prayers for her as the influence of my words and presence is going to be farther away very soon and I want her to come out shining like a star through everything the world has to throw at her.

Emma is just pretty adorable most of the time but she certainly has her moments of sheer terrible. I am so delighted that she learns right along with her sister (the good and the bad) and that she is so free to laugh and engage in life. I'm not sure what our life will look like after Lydia goes to school but she is a much more independent player and far less attention seeking than her older sibling so only time will tell what our life will look like over the next year.

Justin and I are working on a study for our church as well as any small group that is interested on intimacy in marriage. (Yes, that means sex!) We are both very excited and humbled by preparing the material for the study because we believe so strongly in a Christ centered marriage and know that marriages are under serious attack. We truly believe that God desires this study to help people learn what God believes about sex in a world that is constantly telling us lies about it. Though most days we feel completely unqualified to teach the material we know that through prayer, lots of reading, willing and open attitudes and the Holy Spirit we are taking a step of faith and leaving the results up to God. (If any one who reads this is interested in the study let me know.)

That is about it for now, got some weekly planning and reading to do before I go to bed. Be blessed and happy new year!

Wild and wonderful

2009-10-19T19:05:00.000-04:00

Our family took off today and toured a little bit of West Virginia. We went to Blackwater Falls and saw the windmills in Tucker County. The girls did well in the car even if Lydia did keep asking the infamous question, "Are we there yet?". It was very cold when we left Fairmont but the car was toasty warm and the weather was beautiful to look at the colorful leaves. We saw what I would consider peak leaf foliage and enjoyed every bit of it. We saw snow in the mountains and the girls thought that was great. We bundled up before heading down the steps to see the falls and found the path covered in slush, snow and ice. We made it down to the first look out and considered stopping but persevered to the next landing and caught just a few pictures. We are planning a return trip in the spring or summer when the steps are not covered in ice. In all it was a fun, spontaneous trip with the family I love in a beautiful state I call home.

Musical Monday

2009-10-12T07:18:00.000-04:00

Our small group is reading and participating in the accompanying study for Francis Chan's book crazy love. Everyone seems to be enjoying it and finding the book very challenging. As a group we just finished chapter 3 this last week. In the study material Francis Chan challenged each of us to keep the cross before us, allow the sacrifice God made for us to invade our lives that we would recognize just how crazy a love God has for us. We sang this song at church yesterday and I was touched and reminded that the cross should be a shadow across my heart and my response to that love is a desire to know Him and spend time with Him.

None but Jesus

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You're Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

Hillsong United

Here is the Youtube URL: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m62gfhirHH0

Worship

2009-10-10T22:24:00.000-04:00

God is Awesome! God has really been working in me over the past month and I have much to share about the journey but for now I just want to share with you three separate worship experiences.

Three Rivers Stadium, 30 thousand people (maybe more), sun shining, bright colored shirts, singing I Surrender All with a couple hundred other people. I had the unique privilege to sing in the Billy Graham Crusade choir when I was young. My mother and I sang in every crusade that week and I have no idea how many lives were changed but I am sure it was a lot. My own life was changed because the experience taught me how to love God through worship. My spirit and God's spirit were united in worship at that moment and it has left an indelible mark on my life.

Cement walls, tin roof, dust, heat, 50 African men, women and children singing quite loudly and emphatically the same song, I Surrender All. Spending time in a culture where people have so little yet give so much teaches you about worship. As a young woman on a mission trip to a very remote area I was surrounded by the truth of this world we live in, it is broken. Why there is such inequality simply because of where you were born or the color of your skin is beyond my comprehension. On that day I worshiped in the truth that my God is bigger than the present reality of this world and He deserves worship simply because HE IS GOD.

Zune in hand, earphones in, kneeling on the floor of my bedroom 40 minutes ago, listening to I Surrender All. There is something so sweet about those worship moments that occur unexpectedly and unknown to all but God. (Of course here I am telling all of you :) ) God is really doing some refining work in my life recently and there is part of me that is trying to do the refining work on my own. God is God and well, I am not. What business do I have trying, in my own effort, to do the work that only He can do? I want to bask in the love of God and truly learn to worship Him in both spirit and truth. I am blessed to have worship moments that are obvious markers of God's work in my life and that I have a God who is faithful to always meet me where I am at. There will come a day when I will meet Him face to face and will bow before Him in unending worship but for now I desire so much to practice that which I will do for all eternity. "But the time is coming - indeed it's HERE NOW - when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way." John 4:23 (emphasis mine) I am continuing on this journey to worship my heavenly Father in spirit and truth.

ABC's of God

2009-09-07T14:38:00.000-04:00

Well, there was a slight "catch" to my last post. It really was just a build up to this one. During my summer reading I read 6 different books on the subject of worship. Some of them short and some of them slightly more in depth but all of them to the point, God is worthy of my adoration. I wrote the last entry quickly without much thought because I know myself so well. My true desire however is to know God more and more. I desire to be so well versed in the area of worship that I can praise God in the midst of any situation and allow His praises to continually be on my lips.

The ABC's of God is a worship exercise that I have used in the past and was reminded of in one of the books I read. It is used as a way to explore just how big God is and how many reasons there are to worship Him. The list can be endless so I will just choose a single word for each letter but I encourage you to come up with as many as you like.

A - Awesome (the only time the word is used rightfully)
B - beautiful (His name is all I seek)
C - Conqueror
D - Delightful
E - Everlasting
F - Father
G - Giver of life
H - Holy
I - Impressive
J - Just
K- King of All
L - Lover of my soul
M - Majestic
N - Never changing
O - Over all
P - Present
Q - Quiets me with His Love
R - Resplendent
S - Savior
T - Teacher
U - Unimaginable
V - Vast
W - Wonderful
X - Exciting
Y - Youthful (after all He IS the beginning and the end)
Z - Zebra (gotta admit they are pretty creative so why not praise Him for them)

O.K. so I was stretching it slightly at the end and I am sure you can come up with better ideas on your own but the point is that by the end of this short list I have 26 different reasons that God is worthy of my praise and I think that is pretty cool. Thanks for playing along and enjoy just how great God is.

ABC's of Me

2009-09-04T07:38:00.000-04:00

ABC's of Me

A - Age: 29 - 30 in few weeks

B - Bed size: queen

C - Chore you hate: Laundry

D - Dinnertime: 5:30

E - Essential start-your-day item: cereal

F - Favorite color: orange

G - Gold or Silver: both

H - Height: 5'7"

I - Instruments you play(ed): trumpet

J - Job title: stay at home mom

K - Kids: growing and changing everyday and so glad I get to see it all!

L - Living arrangements: own a house

M - Mom's name: Dana

N - Nickname: Meg and Butterfly

O - Overnight hospital stay: 2 times

P - Pet Peeve: a cluttered house (unfortunately not one I can escape)

Q - Quote from a movie: "Does anyone have a peanut"

R - Right or left handed: right

S - Siblings: Alise and Laura

T - Time you wake up: between 6:30 and 7 on a good day

U- Underwear: clean.

V - Vegetable you dislike: lima beans

W - Ways you run late: almost never

X- X rays: never

Y - Yummy food you make: pizza, lasagna rolls

Z - Zoo favorite: African safari animals

If you read my blog consider yourself tagged. (That includes you Alise, Lorrie and Maria!)

school days

2009-09-02T12:09:00.000-04:00

This may look like the girls are eating pudding but as a homeschooling preschool teacher they are practicing writing skills. Lydia is working on writing her letters and Emma is working on shapes. Having a lot of fun while doing it too! More on preschool later but have fun looking at the cute pics.

Finishing

2009-08-25T13:59:00.000-04:00

Well, I didn't set out with the intention of waiting an entire week to post again but guess I just didn't get around to it last week. Anyway, here we go with some of what God is teaching me.

I just finished reading Joshua and have begun reading Judges. I think the richness of Judges is amazing and is even more amazing after reading what preceded it in Joshua. I unfortunately can much too easily relate to the book of Judges. I don't want to and hate to admit it but it is true. I have found three things that I can relate to in the book of Judges.

1. The Israelites didn't finish the work God called them to do. I can relate to this because many times I have quit before I attained a specific goal. It is obvious when looking at our society I am not the only one who quits at things. Whether it is a diet, exercise program, job, relationship or anything, we often don't finish what we start. I fall into one of two camps in regards to this. Sometimes I manufacture an idea that is really not from God meaning it looks good, sounds good and feels good therefore I need to do this. Without praying about whether God really wants me to do it I am not even on the right path let alone finishing the job God has for me. The other camp I fall into is allowing fear, pride, selfishness and so many other things to keep me from pursuing that which God desires for me to do.

2. The Israelites forgot all the wonderful things God had done for them. Why is it that when things are going well we forget that is a blessing from God and that we still need Him in our lives? And why is it that when things are going bad we see it as a curse and do not see how God is working in that situation and how He has worked in the past? Too often my momentary troubles tie me down rather than seeing the grand scheme of what God is doing in and through my life. God gave the Israelites a rich promise and they didn't remind themselves of it and therefore forgot about it. If I don't spend time in God's Word soaking in His love, grace, forgiveness and purpose then I too will forget just how far God has brought me and how much further He wants to take me on this journey.

3. The Israelites lived life totally for themselves. One of the key phrases in Judges is "all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes." I fight the urge to be selfish everyday. Not a day goes by where I don't have to recognize my own selfish desires and choose to put the needs of others above my own. How I wish I could tell you that I always make the right choice in those situations but I can't. Selfihness sometimes wins and I have to confess that sin and allow God to teach me to live my life as a sacrifice to Him in everything I do.

God is teaching me that to live a life that is glorifying God in every thing I do I need to finish strong that which God has called me to do. I must remember what God has done in the past and have hope for what He is doing now and in the future. I must live life for Him and put others ahead of myself. Philippians 3:14 says "I press on to reach the end of the race and recieve the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (NLT) I like the wording of the second half in the NASB which says "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I like the imagery of the "upward call". Living in West Virginia I have had the opportunity to run in some beautiful landscapes but let me tell you running uphill is not easy and the upward call is not easy. Righteous and holy living is not easy, it is simple but not easy. Simple because there is no question about where to go for help but what we learn does not always translate as easy. I am so grateful that just as God continually resuced the Israelite from the mess they got themselves into He also rescues me when I call out to Him. I serve a God who rescues people and He deserves unending worship as a result. I praise You Lord, that you have rescued me!

wow....

2009-08-16T12:50:00.000-04:00

Wow it's been a long time. I didn't intend on taking a vacation from blogging but I guess I did. I have several blog entries back logged in my mind so I hope to post more frequently till I can catch up on a 4 week hiatus. Anyway, we have been enjoying a nice summer. Parks, VBS, walks, swings, cook outs and those sort of things. One thing that has been a bit more relaxed for us this summer is bed time. Since the girls are a little older and adapt much better to staying up we have felt the liberty to enjoy some later than usual evenings rather than being tied to a specific bedtime. This is definitely a change for me because I am usually in my pj's by 7:30 and forget what it is like to drive in the dark.

On a not so enjoyable part, I've experienced the fight of man vs. nature. While out for an evening walk as a family on the rail trail I stooped down to pick a few blackberries and the next thing I knew I got stung by a bee (or yellow jacket/hornet/not sure what).I got stung 3 times: on the ear, the arm and the eyelid. Ouch! I kept running down the trail swatting at my head trying to loose whatever it was that was stinging me and I am sure I looked incredibly crazy. I was able to laugh at the situation but was cautious next time out. That is not my only sting of the summer. I stepped on a bee on two separate occasions. That definitely hurt more than the eye. Even though my eye was almost swollen shut I don't have to put pressure on it in any way.

The garden has been doing pretty well. We have lots of tomatoes and some cucumbers. Lettuce doing well and the green beans are just about down. Picked some zucchini but the bugs are now demolishing the plant so don't think I will get anymore. Lydia's pumpkin may not make it. The bugs have been pretty brutal and I don't know if it will survive. Well, thats all the time I have for today but look for a few different posts this week. Lots to write and lots going on. Until then, God bless!

musical monday

2009-07-20T11:55:00.000-04:00

I am definitely a bit of a control freak. Ask just about anyone who knows me and they will probably tell you I am somewhat high maintenance. I don't go with the flow naturally, instead I plan and prepare and organize what I can. My kids have a very routine and expect that all the time. I know what to expect during most aspects of my day and prefer it that way.

God has really been working on this in my life. The area of surrender is so important to living life to the fullest yet an area that is under constant attack. I love God and want everything I do to be for Him yet I so often keep things in my control. The definition of surrender is: to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.; to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.); to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another.

Those are not things that come easy to someone who wants to be in control of everything and I dare say they don't come easy to anyone. I know that to show my trust and faith in God for all He has done and all He will do I must surrender to His will for my life. I need to yield control of my life to God. Considering all He has done for me this should be easy but it is not. It requires diligence to come to God each moment of the day and ask for His guidance and grace to do what He wants me to do.

I can tell when I write a post like this that is really important to me that I am a very inadequate writer. I am a verbal person who has a hard time translating my thoughts to paper but I know that God wants me to share with others because so many people can relate to the struggle of leading a fully surrendered life. The words to this song speak more eloquently than I to living a life of surrender and the many reasons what God deserves a fully surrendered life.

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
From the album Sweetly Broken

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

Possibility

2009-07-17T20:34:00.000-04:00

What is it about a good movie, book or TV show that draws us in? The excitement, the drama, the unexpected and so many other things. I really do enjoy all forms of media and can easily get too caught up in them when I don't set limits on the time I spend with them. I was not disappointed with the new Harry Potter movie this week nor the other movies I watched while visiting a good friend this week. I think the one word that really captures the essence of why we like books, movies, TV, etc. is escape. The ability to escape out of our own mundane, hectic, complicated and sometimes very difficult lives.

I believe that escape, or at least the desire to escape is a rather universal concept. Though escape is so much easier in a fast paced media fanatic world like ours, people from all walks of life from all around the world share a discontent about the life we have. Discontentment with jobs, children, status, position, money, marriage and host of other things battle within us and in the end many of us choose to escape the reality of life for fiction.

If you've been reading for awhile you know that I challenged myself to read more this summer. I've been doing pretty well. I've finished some good fiction and kept reading non-fiction like normal but added one more genre to my list: biography. I love reading biography's as a boost to my spiritual life. I find the difficulties, struggles and victories real people live out to be fascinating and inspirational. One of my favorite biographies (on a short list of those I have read) includes Corrie ten Boom's The Hiding Place. Corrie grew up in Holland and her family provided refuge for Jew's that were trying to escape the Nazi regime. She and her family were placed in a concentration camp which she survived. Her courage and story are an amazing testament to the glory of God.

I have no doubt that she wanted at times to escape her life and she had every reason to want to. One such time where escape would have been by all intents and purposes excusable was when she was met face to face with one of the guards from the concentration camp. After she was released she went all over the world preaching the love and forgiveness of Christ and at the end of one of her meetings she saw the face of a guard she recognized. At the end of the meeting he came forward to talk to her and told her where he had been a guard and that he was accepting the forgiveness that Christ had to offer. At this time she knew she could not forgive this man, she just couldn't. In my own words, she wanted to escape it all. The amazing thing is that she didn't choose escape because in her heart God did amazing things. She knew she could not forgive him but the God who lived inside her could. Nothing of her own could do what she spoke of doing but God is so much bigger than mere words, thoughts and feelings. She chose to escape into the possible of what God would have for her.

The possiblity to escape our day to day life is at our finger tips each moment of the day. I am in no way saying that enjoying the things life has to offer us is sinful, it's not. I am however challenging you to escape into the possibility of what is real, what is avavilable to each of us through a realtionship with Christ. There is never a dull moment when we let possibility become our daily escape.

vacation

2009-07-10T20:15:00.000-04:00

Vacation was so much fun! We had a really great time in Williamsburg with my parents. We've gone on vacation with them for the past 5 years now and are very grateful that they are so generous to give of their time and finances to afford us the opportunity.

We had a lot of fun just hanging out by the pool, eating food, shopping, playing games and all around relaxing. We even got some sleep! The car ride there and back went really well. The girls entertained themselves with books, coloring pages, music, a movie they watched on a borrowed DVD player and sleeping. When we got there it was raining and cool so we hit the favorite shopping spots of The Goldfish store (Pepperidge farm discount store), Yankee Candle and The Candy Store. How these places are at all exciting to kids is beyond me but they are must see in our little family.

The pool was the place to be from then on. Lydia loved it and by our last day was swimming on her own (with floaties) and loving every minute of it. Emma on the other had took a long time to warm up to the idea but finally on our last swim she was standing on her own and having fun. Justin and I got to go out on a date and enjoy some time alone while the girls stayed with Hoppy and Manna. We did make it down to colonial Williamsburg on evening to see the Drum and Fife band parade through the streets. Lydia loved this and couldn't keep the smile off her face. We also got to see the horses that were in the pasture there and I even fed one some grass.

Not too much thought went into this post but just an update on how our vacation went. Overall it was a very fun trip that hit the spot of getting out of the ordinary daily grind. I loved every minute and hope everyone else has the opportunity to have some fun time this summer.

musical monday

2009-06-30T13:43:00.000-04:00

I had such a good day yesterday hanging out with Justin, the girls and some friends here and there that when the day was done I just wanted to sit, read a book and relax. So, even though it is a day late I wanted to post my musical Monday anyway.

I am very passionate that those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ would really take time to know who they are because of that faith. I want my identity to be solely based on my relationship with Christ and not my title, position, status, stuff, etc. My worth does not come from being good, knowing the Bible well, serving in ministry, influencing hundreds but from Christ alone. That being said I still get caught up in the comparison trap, "I should do more", "I need to be more like that person", "If I could get this one area down then life would be better", "I should have this thing called life figured out by now". Those are all thoughts that cross my mind and to be honest sometimes stick around. That is why I try to regularly do spiritual inventories to see what kind of lies I am believing and how they are keeping me from being the woman God wants me to be.

Recently I have been somewhat caught in the lie that because my life doesn't look like someone else's then there is a problem with me. It may be admirable to learn from other's and take steps to emulate certain aspects of their lives but it is paralyzing to try to become like that person. God has uniqquely desinged and gifted each of us for His purpose and I don't want to loose sight of that. His love is for each of us and is so high, long, deep and wide that we will never fully understand it all. (Eph. 3:18-19)

The song I am posting is by JJ Heller and even though I can't relate personally to all the lyrics I know how easy it is to get caught in a place where we wonder if anyone really sees us. I find great comfort in knowing that someone does see me and loves me. This song is also a call for me to show love to the people who I come in contact with each and everyday. So many people are hurting and need to experience the love of Christ and people in their lives. My prayer is that you know deep down how loved you are and that you would learn how to share that love with others.

Lyrics to Love Me :
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

Here is the youtube link to listen if you want:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nG7SPCVkKyY

Fruits of our labor

2009-06-26T21:27:00.000-04:00

The girls and I took a Hoppy Manacation this week. For those of you who don't know what that means I will explain. We went to visit my parents (who are affectionately called Hoppy and Mana) in PA this week. Justin went to the National Pastors Conference in St. Louis and we took the opportunity to visit for longer than a 24 hr period with my parents and which happens very rarely.

The girls absolutely loved it. The weather was beautiful and they are now old enough to enjoy all the wonderful outdoor experiences that living in the country provides. We went for walks, rode bikes, played with sidewalk chalk, rode swings and slides and picked berries. The girls couldn't have had a better time. Sleeping was the only difficult thing about the trip (Emma didn't) but attitudes were still great the whole time.

I got to enjoy some time with my mom courtesy of my dad. The girls loved playing games with him and swinging with him so much that they barely missed me. It was wonderful and I am very grateful for the help and the break. Emma loved swinging with my dad and kept telling him that he was a "silly guy" because of the way he would stop her and make her laugh. He even took them in a ride down the hill in a big wagon. I say hill but really I mean their street. I think God created grandparent because that is a memory a mom like me would never create for fear of crashing, rolling over and the oncoming cars.

Lydia was thrilled to ride her bike as much as she wanted. She loves riding her bike but since we don't have a flat driveway she can only ride when we go to the rail trail. She thought it was bliss to ride all over the place and was very excited that there was an extra bike that she could bring home. I think the reason she liked the bike so much was because of the bell but I really can't blame her, it is pretty cool.

The true highlight for my parents and me was probably the joy of picking wild raspberries and mulberries. A new patch of raspberries was discovered this year in their neighbors back yard and there was another berry tree there. We picked a few berries and leaves from the tree and looked it up on line to identify what kind it was and found out it was a mulberry tree. We picked berries everyday and had and absolute blast. Lydia and Emma ate more than they picked but found the whole experience quite entertaining. Lydia would direct us to where there were more and Emma just asked to eat more. I think their digestive systems are still trying to catch up with them id you know what I mean. ;)

If you have ever picked raspberries or blackberries then you already know that it is tricky work. The thorns on the bushes are quite sharp and are all over the place. You have to be very careful to wear the proper clothing, long pants and sleeves, keeping in mind that it is summer. You also have to pick every day or two to get the ripe berries so the birds don't eat them. That being said I think that the effort is worth the prize. It does require planning, dedication and the knowledge that you will probably get scratched up in the process but I love it anyway. This is an obvious and shameless observation that applies to our everyday lives. Nothing good comes without counting the costs and keeping the reward in sight.

In the end, for dinner tonight the girls and I enjoyed a nice green leaf lettuce salad (from our garden) with fresh raspberries on top. The fruits of our labor tasted good!

quick update

2009-06-15T20:24:00.000-04:00

Wanted to let you all know that I am indeed still alive and that the summer reading is going well. I've finished the Chronicles of Narnia and am looking for my next start. Reading at night is becoming a wonderful habit and I am glad that it is so enjoyable.

I've also been going out and running most days and had a wonderful hike with Justin and the girls today at Cooper's Rock. I am going out of town next week to visit my folks while Justin is at a Pastor's conference and the girls are so looking forward to that. The following week is our vacation with my parents so the girls will be getting lots of time with their Hoppy and Manna. After mid July our summer slows down considerably but we are in full busy mode for the next few weeks and it is great. I have some wonderful things to share and hope to post memories of my girls as they are both summer babies and will be turning 4 and 2 over the next month. Hard to believe but since I have not even come close to finishing Emma's baby book and probably couldn't remember the stuff if I tried I better use this as a pseudo memory book. I will post again soon but for now I am off to spend some time with my wonderful hubby. Happy summer!

Warm Weather Bliss

2009-06-04T14:21:00.001-04:00

I love spring, summer and fall! I love being able to go outside and do so many things. My obsession with warm weather is far more recent than not. I always preferred cool and cold weather most but that changed when I had kids and found out it is so much easier to entertain them when the weather is warm. Lydia is a very active child and quite resistant to independent play so playing inside takes a great deal of effort and planning from me. There is only so much running around in our house I can do but when spring turns up she is very content to run around our yard, play in the dirt or sandbox and swing and slide for hours. We live so close to the rail trail that most days we find ourselves at the trail, feeding the ducks at Pricketts Fort or at a local park. Both girls love feeding the ducks and walking. I also love getting the exercise. Keeping up with an athletic girl on a bike is a really great workout.

Our garden is doing very well right now. All our veggies are coming along nicely but since it is my first time I am looking forward to learning a lot. I may find that I needed to spread certain plants out more but am looking forward to a great harvest and if it goes well possibly expanding to do more next year.

The summer is also bringing about some habit changes for me. I am currently compiling a summer reading list. I'm sure that it won't include much, but I am trying to not get caught up in TV reruns of shows that I don't watch. I don't let the girls watch more than 30-45 min. of TV a day but am not as good limiting my own. I watch TV most nights of the week after the girls are in bed. This summer I want to read during the time I would normally watch TV. I will however leave room for my 1 reality TV favorite, So You Think You Can Dance?. I happen to find the show so entertaining and artistic that I will make time for it. I am now halfway through the Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis and am taking advice on other fiction that may be of interest. I am limiting myself to fiction for night time reading and non-fiction to its normal quiet time spot.

That's about it for the randomness of my life for now.

Musical Monday

2009-06-01T05:36:00.000-04:00

Hello world. That's how I feel right now because it is so early (5:30am). There is really no reason to be out of bed yet because Emma is actually still sleeping but the birds were singing outside my window and I didn't want to just lay there so I am up and in a reflective mood.

I knew I wanted to do a musical Monday post today and was trying to decide what song to post. Yesterday's church service served as a wonderful time of worship and I am having trouble deciding which song to post because God used each of the songs to touch me and speak to me. I finally decided to post None but Jesus by Hillsong United because it seemed to speak well to some of the thoughts I have been having recently.

I believe that one of my weaknesses that for me is exaggerated as a stay at home mom is I often wonder what is "normal". I can't say I obsess, dwell or worry about it but I often consider how my average day compares to other women I know. "How do they make it work to play with their kids and get housework done? Do all kids act like this? Do all moms at least feel like reacting like this?" These are just a sampling of some thoughts that run through my mind. Now I KNOW that comparison is a trap that can paralyze a person from accomplishing much of anything. So much time is spent either comparing and feeling better about your life causing pride to swoop in and do it's nasty work or on the other hand feeling completely inadequate and often helplessness, depression and a whole other host of things take over. There are people in my life who I admire. I admire their spiritual discipline and biblical knowledge, I admire their parenting, I admire their creativity or their flexibility. I admire their emotional stability. These things are wonderful character traits but what I don't want to happen is to admire them so much that I want to become them.

God made me and loves me. That is a truth that is so important to remember when tempted to play the comparison game. In turning my attention to what is "normal" I often lose sight of what is important, what God wants me to do. I too often forget that God has put me here, gifted me with my husband and my children because He knows that He has given me exactly what it takes to do my job well and with creativity. Our pastor spent much time driving home the 1st point of his message yesterday and I couldn't agree more, "Our identity is in Christ - not this world" (2 Tim. 1:1-5). My life is not defined by the normalcy of it but by the fact that I am loved by the creator of the universe and share an intimate relationship with Him. There is no doubt that God uses other peoples lives to shape me and refine me, to help me see how to better spend my time and to help me make lasting changes but God is the One who is working in me to make me more like Him.

I really met with God in worship through this song because it helps me to remember to quiet the voices other than God's that fight for my attention.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day, again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

I am yours and you are mine...

All my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore

Man I love

2009-05-27T12:59:00.000-04:00

Today marks the 9th anniversary of the day Justin and I got married. I am so blessed to be married to the man I love and so privileged to be his wife. There are so many reasons I love him and I would like to share just a few.

1. He loves God - There really is no better thing than sharing a common goal, purpose and passion with your life mate. His love for God grows stronger all the time which encourages me to get to know God more.

2. He makes me laugh - I am uptight and way too serious so God knew I needed someone who knows how to have fun. He makes me laugh when I don't really want to and after 9 years I get a little less upset by his silliness and antics.

3. He is gracious and understanding - To put up with me he has to be!

4. He teaches me how to be the best me - I wish I knew how to write it better but that will have to do. Justin is so wonderful because he always encourages me to be the person God wants me to be but loves me in the process. He doesn't want to change me but encourages me to be who God made me to be. He values that God is working on me and in us. I love that.

I could keep writing more but as these are the top of my list for today and nap time is almost over I will leave it at that. I have a wonderful husband, lover and friend and am blessed by the union we share.

outside

2009-05-22T20:26:00.000-04:00

Well, I finally did something that I never really thought I would do, I planted a garden. I do not have a green thumb but since we all love fresh produce around here I decided to convert a few flower beds into vegetable gardens. I planted green beans, zucchini, peppers, cucumbers, lettuce, tomatoes and a few pumpkin seeds Lydia got when we visited the WVU farms a couple weeks ago. So far the sprouts look pretty good and the girls like to check on the progress each day. I am also motivated to do some landscaping work on our front yard. We don't have the best curb appeal and I want to change that. The only problem is doing it for next to nothing. If anyone knows anything about landscaping for cheap let me know because it is not my thing and really can't seem to come up with many ideas about what to do with a hill and cliff. Well, this is meant to be a short post so I will leave it at that.

Memories, loss and comfort

2009-05-19T11:37:00.000-04:00

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28)

There are so many verses and passages in the Bible that I can only wish to understand with my mind and my heart. The present reality we live in this broken world seem to contradict the words men wrote by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Life does not always seems good, obviously not all situations are good nor can we always see the good that comes from them. This weekend was a reflective one for me as it marked the anniversary of the loss of my grandpa and my friends Bob and Tanna Slatt. All of these people shared common ground in their love for God and their faith in the person of Jesus Christ. They knew that God was good even when life didn't seem good. They shared a faith that God would provide for all their needs and they passed on the love of Christ to others they came in contact with. I have wonderful memories of all of them and know that they are at peace right now.

Whenever I hear about tragedy and my human mind cannot comprehend why God allowed it to happen I must turn to faith God has given me and pray that He would increase my faith. God is good even when life doesn't seem good.

Quick update

2009-05-15T15:39:00.000-04:00

I told you I would update when I finished the one hundred push up challenge and well I did it. This morning I took advantage of Lydia sleeping in and decided to do it just to see if I could. I knew that I had not worked up enough strength to do 100 real push ups but thought I would try for 100 girlie (on knees) push ups. I took a 10 sec break after the first 20 then again after the second 20. After 50 I was pretty tired and it didn't help that Emma was wanting me to read a book to her. I thought I would call it quits but after reading her a book (2-3 minutes) I felt much better and gave it another try. @0 break 20 break then the last ten. Emma kept crawling on my back but I was able to finish and felt as though I really achieved something. I posted it on facebook and even got a few others interested in the challenge. My goal is to try for the 100 real push ups before the end of summer but am only 1/4 to a 1/3 of the way there. Here is to good heath and physical well being.

Legacy

2009-05-09T20:25:00.000-04:00

Oh how often in parenting I wish there was an easy button to push. I wish that I could push the easy button when I need a new attitude, when my kids need a new attitude, when I am tired or when I am hurt. I wish that there was some way to guarantee that my girls will turn out the way I want them to, respectful, obedient, worshipers of God. Since there is no button to push, I pray continually that the legacy I leave my children is one of contentment with God, love for others and passion for the lost. Unfortunately there are many days that those principles don't resound through my house and I once again am on my knees asking God to make up for my lack and the truth is I am all lack. Apart from God this task is WAY TOO BIG for me to handle.

As a reflection on Mothers Day I am reminded of the example my mother has given me. I've grown closer and closer to my mother over my adult life and know that she is a woman of faith and purpose. I'm not sure that she would say that she has always been that way though. She has grown so much in her relationship with the Lord over my life and she is always willing to pass on what she has learned to not only my sisters and me but to all the women she comes in contact with. One thing she and I share a passion for is that people truly come to understand who they are. As my pastor says, understanding who we are and who's we are.

My mother recently wrote a note that expresses a small piece of what God has taught her and I wanted to share that with you.

"One day while walking along the shore at Edisto Island, I was impressed by how different each sea shell was. The difference in size, color and shape made me reflect on the different experiences I've had in my life.
The white shells remind me of the bright spots in my life: my graduation, my wedding day, as well as the birth of my children and grandchildren.
The dark shells brought to mind the difficult times I've had to endure: the loss of a loved one, a broken relationship, and the ordinary stress of day to day life.
But, the shells I like the best are the broken ones. These made me think about the pieces of my life. As I look at these pieces, I can hear my Lord say, "You're broken my child, but without this brokenness you can't grow. As you let Me comfort you, you will learn to comfort others. I love you so much that I sent my one and only Son, Jesus to die for you."
Just like I went looking for these shells, collected them and put them in this jar, so God came looking for me. He calls me by name and promises that He will never leave me or forsake me. What a joy and what a simple lesson to be learned from a jar of ordinary sea shells, each one different, each one special, just like each of us is special to our Heavenly Father when we seek a relationship with Him.
I pray that this jar of shells will help you be reminded of how special you are to God. He calls you by name, too, and promises that He won't leave you either. When the creator of the universe says that, how can we doubt our purpose and significance?"

I am so blessed to have a mother who lives a life fully knowing who she is and who's she is. I want to pass the same confidence and faith on to my girls. I'm not sure what my mom was like when my sisters and I were toddlers, if like me she thought some days might drive her crazy and others made her cry and laugh and pray even more all at the same time. Whatever she was like then I owe her the gratitude of who I have become now. Thanks mom! I love you and covet your prayers for my family.

Innocence in prayer

2009-05-05T19:22:00.000-04:00

I love learning from my kids. Lydia and Emma both teach me so much and open my eyes to so many things every day. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to spend each day with them and enjoy them. We make a regular habit to pray with the girls and most nights before dinner. Lydia and Emma both like taking turns to pray and I've actually learned about prayer through their innocent offerings.

Tonight before dinner Lydia wanted to pray. Most evenings I encourage Lydia to pray for 2 things she is thankful for so often her prayers go like this: "Thanks you for this day, for our family and our friends and then she says thanks you for any number of things whether it is a toy, person, activity or just about anything may pop into her little mind to be thankful for. A couple weeks ago when Justin had his surgery and was recovering we often prayed to his "ouchies". Lydia on more than one occasion prayed "Thank you for Daddy's ouchies". Lydia picked up a bit of a cold somewhere this week and has been coughing a lot so tonight at dinner she once again thanked God for Daddy's ouchies and for her cough.

When I hear a prayer that is saying thank you for not good things there is a part of me that wants to correct her but the truth is that the Bible tells us to be thankful, to rejoice in all things. Lydia is actually correct in her thanking God for things that are not so good. Paul wrote the book of Philippians from prison yet the word joy/rejoice shows up more here than in any of his other letters to churches. He is encouraging readers to be joyful in all circumstances. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made know to God." (Phil. 4:6) That verse reminds me just how much Lydia's innocent prayer was a reflection of how God want us to approach Him with childlike faith.

Challenges

2009-04-23T13:29:00.000-04:00

During a college interview I was asked if I was a competitive person only I can't remember how I answered. If asked the same question today I would give a responding yes. I like a good challenge and often am competitive with myself. I used to have musical and academic pursuits that fulfilled my competitive nature but now turn to more self focused goals. I am in the midst of two challenges right now. I've been working out pretty hard recently and can do a real push up more than a couple times so I am doing the 100 push up challenge. The goal is to perform 100 consecutive push ups. I am excited and am feeling very strong right now. It is a 6 week program and I am only on week 2 but feeling pretty good about it. I will let you know when I complete it. For more info you can always check out the website: http://hundredpushups.com/

The second challenge is a five year Bible study plan. Justin got me a NLT study Bible for Valentines day and I am loving it. I thought I was too much of a scripture snob to enjoy it but am loving reading it. They have a 5 year study plan in the back and Justin is trying to get some others on board with going through it together. Of course I jumped on board as I often do when a challenge is presented. I've read the Bible through a handful of times, and have studied several books but I am looking forward to studying the whole thing over the next few years.

I love reading scripture and allowing God to teach me new things through passages I've read so many times. As I read the creation account again this week I was/am amazed at the goodness of God. When I take time to reflect on just what God did to create this world and what Christ did to redeem my life I recognize that when I cooperate with Him He can do anything. God showed me this week the parallel of the creation story to my own life. My life can be brought from chaos to order, my darkness made light, my emptiness filled. Surely if God did this in the created world He can do this in me, His creation. The challenge to this is that I need to believe God is who He says He is and that He does what He says He does. Lord, You deserve all praise and worship the rest of my life.

Psalms 33:6-9
⁶ The Lord merely spoke,
and the heavens were created.
He breathed the word,
and all the stars were born.
⁷ He assigned the sea its boundaries
and locked the oceans in vast reservoirs.
⁸ Let the whole world fear the Lord,
and let everyone stand in awe of him.
⁹ For when he spoke, the world began!
It appeared at his command.

Fresh eyes

2009-04-16T20:42:00.001-04:00

One of the best things about being a parent and working with young kids for that matter is seeing things through their eyes. Everything is new, exciting and an adventure. Spring brings so many exciting adventures to our house. The birds, flowers, trees and I guess just about everything is exciting. Thursday we went to the Morgantown mall and Lydia stopped to pick a few dandelions on the way out. She loves dandelions and what kid doesn't. She considers dandelions picked anywhere but home special and gets very excited by holding them. Since the grass at the mall hadn't been cut yet the median at the entrance is full of dandelions. She was so excited to see them and said "That looks like such a pretty garden."

The dandelion is considered nothing more than a lawn weed. It spreads rapidly and is not a desirable part of a well kept lawn. I myself have always had a special place in my heart for dandelions and other flowering weeds. I even forced my family to go to the wildflower farm on a family vacation growing up. I'm not sure but it is just the thought that there is beauty out of something that is supposed to be a mistake. I need to know that not everything is perfect but there is still the opportunity to have beauty. Not everyone will see beauty in the dandelion but maybe we should. If we look at it with the eyes of a child it is just a flower but if we allow the influence of our intellect our experiences and others around us to cloud our judgment it quickly becomes nothing more than a weed.

For me there is something special about looking at flowering weeds and seeing the beauty. I like to think that the weed has been redeemed for a different purpose than just being a weed. There are many weeds in my life that God wants to redeem and make new. He alone can work all things out for the good, in fact this is His desire for my life. Although the work Christ did on the cross is complete He is still working in my life and the lives of all who have placed their faith in Him. He is still in the process of creating beauty from ashes, making all things new and completing the work He began in me.

As I posted previously my desire is to live and organic life, live in a way that is real and honest. To live this way will undoubtedly not be a weed free existence. God is not done with me yet. Some weeds need to be taken out at the root which can be a painful experience but there is no better gardener to perform this task. He also wants to use my painful weed experiences to show others the beauty that comes from a surrendered life. I need to take an inventory of the weeds in my life and allow God to have His way. There will be some uprooting of certain behaviors and attitudes that don't belong in the garden of my life but there will also come some new beauty to my life.

Good Friday reflection

2009-04-10T13:56:00.000-04:00

I woke up early this morning (5:30) and spent some time in reflection before the day started. I wanted to read Isaiah 53 and really focus on what it is Christ did for me on this day so long ago. I love reading that chapter and trying to really recognize what a huge gift God has given me. Verse 11 really stood out to me today, "When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins." For me it seems that the longer I've been a Christian the more I recognize just how sinful I am. I recognize my attitudes and thoughts cause me problems and how much God wants to be invited into every area of my life. This verse struck me because I recognize that apart from His saving grace I have nothing righteous in me. The work Jesus did on the cross made me righteous. Nothing can be added to or taken away from that. I do not deserve this grace and extravagant love but God wanted so much to be in a relationship with me that He took upon Himself the punishment for ALL MY SIN. I couldn't decide which of those words to emphasize because each is so important. I have indeed SINNED, it is indeed MY fault and He has removed it ALL. Today I will rejoice in knowing that.

Organically me

2009-04-05T05:20:00.000-04:00

O.K. I'm going to let you in on something that I have been working on here and there over the last several years. I have read 3 different books (maybe more) that have encouraged me to come up with a life mission statement. As a person who likes to put into action good ideas that I read I have attempted to do this a number of times. Never have I come up with something that is "organically me" shall I say. Of course I don't think it is an easy task to come up with a mission statement. There are so many things that I want to do and be and work on. In the past I always saw examples that were so good but when I tried to use them I never felt ownership. If you have a quote that means a lot to you or a statement of faith that you have seen elsewhere that is a great thing but I wanted something that was completely me.

There are many definitions for the word organic, most of which deal with life growing without pesticides and such but one definition of organic is arising as a natural outgrowth. That is the kind of life I want to live. I want to live organically with all of my life being a natural outgrowth of my relationship with Christ. There are so many things that clutter my life and take my focus away from where it should be, therefore living organically should acknowledge those things and more forward. Circumstances, relationships, struggles and sin are all areas that when dealt with and allowed to can bring about the natural outgrowth of Godliness. 1 Timothy 4:7 says "discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness." There may not seem much correlation between discipline and natural outgrowth but I think there is on further inspection. The Bible is full of stories of people who were real, transparent and organic before God but who also chose to discipline their lives to follow God's commands. I want to explore the depths of organic living with Christ in a world that desires to see what is real.

This brings me to my life's mission statement. I wrote this in a moment of inspiration on February 21st of this year. It has been29 years in the making and may be revised as the years go but completely reflects where I am at right now. May this inspire you to consider what your life's mission statement is and what level of an organic life you want to live.

Megan's Mission Statement: I desire to know and love God more and to consistently have my actions, attitudes and thoughts reflect a passionate love for Christ, recognizing this can only be accomplished because of and through His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love.

Spring cleaning

2009-04-01T20:31:00.000-04:00

I love spring. The time outside, the emerging colors, the freshness of everything around. Things that have been asleep are waking up and it is a wonderful feeling. I also like to clean so the appeal of spring cleaning to me is wonderful. I know a woman who does fall cleaning since she is in her house more in the winter but I still find spring to be my favorite time to clean up.

The funny thing about cleaning is that it never lasts long. I have done what I consider to be deep cleaning on the top floor of our house. I've moved furniture, dusted, scrubbed and vacuumed most every nook and cranny. I find cleaning to be fun and enjoy completing a task, I just wish that all the effort that went into it lasted longer. The girls rooms for instance took no time at all to be cluttered and messy again. I don't consider the basement and garage to be my domain for cleaning but I still like to have some kind of order there as well. I am so grateful that my girls inherited the cleaning gene from me and can only hope that it lasts as they grow.

I also take some extended time in the spring to look at my life and set some new goals. Maybe that is because the new years resolutions have died down a bit or have been completely forgotten but whatever the reason I like to take an inventory on where I am at and where I am going. I've been spending a lot of time reading Romans recently. As I confessed in my last post that I have been choosing a poor attitude as of late that does not reflect the blessed life that I have nor the God honoring life I want to lead. In my personal spring cleaning I've been feeling the stirrings of some dreams and desires that have been dormant come alive. It is always a bit scary to recognize the passions that seem to fade away in the midst of a busy life but sometimes even scarier is the possibility of being called to actually act on those passions.

Romans 5:2 says, "Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory." I live an incredibly blessed life and I want to recognize even more just how much this is an undeserved privilege. The grace of God in my life is an incredible transforming power and I know that it is completely undeserved. I also know that God desires for me to face with confidence and joy that which He has called me to. What a blast it will be to share in God's glory with all who place their faith in Him. So as I head in the direction of cleaning up my attitudes and exploring God given passions I will walk in confidence and joy where He leads.

attitude adjustment

2009-03-25T20:38:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things with posting blogs. I have a couple I need to edit and post and several back logged in my brain but I am putting them on hold right now to blog what is going on in my life.

I had a really bad day yesterday. It was one of those days where nothing is really wrong but the way you react to the things that happen. I chose to have a bad attitude and wallow in my own selfishness. The saying goes "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" and well, it is very true. The girls just followed suit and threw tantrums and fits all morning. I was able to collect myself during my quiet time during the girls nap and when they woke up felt much better. I confessed to a friend on the phone later about my attitude and that was also a big relief.

It so happens that the topic we are studying this week in Starting Point is Grace. I think the message Andy Stanley delivers on grace is perhaps the clearest and best gospel presentation I have ever heard. There is so much about grace that I take for granted, for instance, just how much I NEED IT. As I reflect on just how awful my attitude was yesterday and how it affected my behavior I realize that I need His grace to change and I need His grace during this refining process. I don't want to have a complaining attitude. I desire to be a woman who is grateful for the countless blessings I have.

In order to really "get it" I started reading the book Lord, Change my Attitude (before it's too late) for the second time. In it the author says "Realize this: that very adversity that you so often complain about is the thing God wants to use to keep your heart close to His. In His grace, He grants adversity to bring us close to Him." I don't really want to go into what my poor attitude was about yesterday but I'll tell you these words really spoke true to my heart. How can it be that His grace is the thing that leaves us in a difficult circumstance or situation? How does that really bring anyone closer to Him? Choosing the right attitude means a lot to God. One needs to look no further than the nation of Israel in the Bible to see how God feels about right and wrong attitudes. So for now I am working on adjusting my attitude to what is right and choosing to have a grateful heart rather than a complaining one. I don't know what adversity you are facing now but it is possible that it is not a mere coincidence that you are experiencing it right now. God has a plan and a purpose and although it is not always easy His grace is sufficient to see you through it. Thanks for letting me share.

Musical Monday

2009-03-15T20:48:00.000-04:00

I am selfish. I don't want to be and wish that I wasn't but I am. I think I have always known it but am continually seeing how pervasive it is in my life. Getting married certainly peeled off the first layer of recognition of my selfishness. I had someone else to consider and think about. Kids, well that is a whole bunch of layers there. Recognition that I not only have someone else to think about but that they are learning and modeling what they see. That can often be a scary thought. I desire to be selfless and to love others above myself. That is not an easy thing to do since my sinful nature wants to put self first. Reflecting on 1 Cor. 13 and putting my own name in place of the word love quickly puts into perspective just how far I have to go towards truly understanding what love is. I am so grateful to serve a God who is selfless and has gone to such great lengths to show me His unconditional love.

Justin just put some JJ Heller on my zune and I heard this song and knew immediately that I wanted to share it. As I listened to her music I was thinking that if I was a song writer I would write like this. I could so easily relate to so many of her songs. Since I am not a song writer I will let her words speak for me.

Lyrics to Only Love Remains :
Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart

Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I’m a shadow
But I’m dancing in your light

Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

I still couldn't link the video to my blo but here is the youtube address if you want to hear her sing it. I highly reccomend using 3 minutes to view it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5Hd211fJOw

Still here

2009-03-15T13:02:00.001-04:00

Yes, I am still here. I have meant to blog so many times but have chosen other things (sleep) over the need to update. I have so many things to share but will have to put them in several different posts.

It has been a busy couple weeks. Justin has been down and out for about a month and although he had surgery last week he is still having a hard time recovering. It is amazing how much I depend on my husband and have even taken him for granted. It has been a hard couple weeks not having his help around the house and with the girls and wish him a speedy recovery for himself but also selfishly for me.

I will take more time to post later but wanted to let you know that yes, I am still here. Thanks for all your prayers!

Kids are fun

2009-03-02T06:42:00.000-05:00

I am a long time fan and collector of children's books. I had several classics before we had kids and obviously have quite a collection now that I have an excuse to buy them. I find that reading kids books and watching kids movies is one of my favorite things about having kids. I may be a sap but each time Marlin tells Dori that he has to tell Nemo how old see turtles are, I cry. I get chocked up each time Jr. Asparagus sings about how much God loves him on both his good and bad days. However, since we don't spend too much time in front of the TV around here (at least I try) my favorite thing to do is read books. I have read to the girls since they were infants and they love to read. I definitely know I have done something right when Lydia asks each day when she will learn to read and when Emma wakes up and the first thing she asks for is a book. Both the girls read books alone, together, with us, in the car, with anyone who has an open lap and, well you get the idea. Often the girls fall asleep with books and Emma doesn't have a lovey but always wants a book in her crib.

I am always amazed at how much God speaks to me through children's books. Maybe that is because that is the level I think on but I like to think it is because He always intended for life to be simple. Notice I did not say easy but simple. I think so often we are the ones who complicate and make life difficult. My favorite kids books range from Diary of Worm to Giraffes Can't Dance, classics such as Frog and Toad collections to Harry the Dirty Dog. Dr. Suess books stand at the top of the pile. Seeing how today is his birthday I thought I would reflect on his writing.

Lydia's recent obsession has been with Horton Hears a Who. She watched the movie when she spent the night at her grandparents and has talked about it ever since. The message of the book is simple. "A person's a person no matter how small." How true that is. I can think of many spiritual applications to that statement.

Galatians 6:2-3 - Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

Romans 2:11 - For God does not show favoritism.

Matthew 7: 1-2 - Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.

I know that if I just applied that truth, a person's a person, I would have to think and act differently than I sometimes do. God's grace and love don't care about status, position, title or age. He created us to know Him and does not care what is going on around us but what is going on in us. I think that is God wrote that sentence it might read more like, "A person is loved no matter how far." He traveled the distance from heaven to earth to be in a relationship with us.

Since I spend so much time reading kids books I am always looking for life principles that fall in line with living life the way God intended it to be lived. I could go on and on about all the lessons I have learned through my kids books but I don't really have the time right now so I will leave you with this, next time you pick up a kids book allow your heart to hear what God might be trying to say to you.

Driving Miss Megan - part 2

2009-02-27T12:54:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been a week since the challenge of obeying all traffic laws to the exact letter of the law was given. I failed. As I said in the last post I believe myself to be a good and obedient driver but did not follow all the laws all the time. I found out I often don't drive with my hands at 2 and 10. I often drive with one hand or one hand at 10 the other at 5. I don't always obey the speed limit on side roads and I found out I am influenced to disobey by others. Whether those people are in the car or other drivers I sometimes change the way I drive based on the people around me.

Two questions were given to reflect on: 1. Is there a benefit to following the rules? and 2. Is it possible to do everything right? Both questions seem to have easy answers and maybe I should leave it at that, but if I am taking time to blog about it you know I won't leave it at that.

1. Is there a benefit to following the rules? Yes, obviously. There is a great amount of protection to ourselves and others when we obey traffic laws. As I realted this to the spiritual assignments in the study (Starting Point) I recognize the same is true of God's laws. I spent some time reading through Psalm 119 which is all about God's laws. I was taken aback by how much the Psalmist loves God's laws. I can't say I am always crazy about the commands and instructions God gives in His word on how I am supposed to live my life but I do know that there is unbelievable benefit for those who do. I deisre to make Ps. 119: 7 which says "As I learn your righteous regulations, I will thank you by living as I should!" (NLT) be my life motto. I want to be refined and shaped by God's laws that I may have a more intimate realtionship with Him.

I believe unfortunately that God is often seen by many people as a big guy in the sky waitng for people to screw up and make mistakes. Rather God gave us the law to benefit us and help us grow closer to Him. Andy Stanley states it this way in the companion message that goes with this lesson, "God gave us the law not as a condition of a relationship but as the confirmation of one." I love that. I heard it first a few months ago and it completely rocked my world. God doesn't want me to obey because it is the only way to have a relationship with Him but because I already have one. He has already made a way to heaven through Jesus Christ and it has nothing to do with how well I obey His laws. Praise God!

2. Is it possible to do everything right?

James 2:10 tells us "For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God's laws". Pretty powerful verse. God loves me enough to have made a way for me to be in a personal realtionship with Him and He gave His commands as confirmation of His great love for me.

The question that has been asked by people since the time of Christ then is this, why do we need to do what is right? If we live by grace why not keep sinning? It is true that we have a war going on inside of us between the Spirit of God who lives in us when we place our faith in Jesus Christ and our own human nature. It is also true that we can choose which of those voices to listen to. Romans 5-8 speaks directly to these issues. The encouragement I find among these verses is this, "Therefore, dear brothers and sister, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live." (Rom. 8:12-13) I can choose to live by the Spirit rather than my sinful nature. The more I understand that God puts in place rules that will benefit my life because of His great love for me the more it is my hearts desire to listen to the voice of the Spirit rather than the often louder and more obvious voice, me.

No, I did not follow the exact letter of the law this week but you can be sure that I thought about it a whole lot more. Each time I broke the law I was aware of it and had to give an account as to why I broke it. I hope to gain a close enough sensitivity to the Spirit of God that I am aware of my sin, I grieve over my sin but that I live in the freedom of grace to recognize that nothing I do can earn me a realtionship with God. His grace shows a love so amazing there is nothing I could ever do to earn it or lose it. Thank You God for Your amazing love!

Driving Miss Megan

2009-02-21T12:01:00.002-05:00

Eight years ago when I got married I had to take a driving test. Being from out of state I was required to take the written test again. I figured I would pass since I had been driving for 4 years already but there was a little bit of doubt. I did pass with flying colors. The questions seemed easy enough and I had four years of experience so there was no problem.

Our small group is going through the Starting Point curriculum and this week we are studying law as it is found in the Bible. We were given a very interesting challenge. We were challenged to follow the exact letter of the law when driving this week and report back. I would consider myself a good driver and a law abiding citizen but I was shocked by some observations I made on the way home last night. Within 2 miles of leaving the house we meet in I was met with a realization that I don't know traffic law as well as I thought I did. I can blame it on PA roads since they probably don't have as many of these signs, but I was met with a sign I didn't really understand. I saw the yellow curve sign with the speed 15 posted on it. I was not sure if that speed limit was a caution/warning, a suggestion or the law. I was obedient and slowed down to 15 MPH which seemed super slow. I came across several of these signs before I got to the interstate. I also noticed that on many of the back roads I didn't even know what the speed limit was. Luckily that is not a problem for me when driving WV back roads at night.

I had no problems the rest of the way home but it was amazing how much I go on autopilot when driving. Do I really know the law when driving or do I just do what feels right? What good is a sign to me if I don't know how to read it and what it means? I am looking forward to studying law this week and know that God has new and exciting things to teach me. I'll keep you posted about what I learn.

Mmm, Mmm good

2009-02-17T13:05:00.000-05:00

I had tomato soup for lunch today. Now, I've made homemade tomato soup and store brand but in my opinion there is nothing quite like Campbell's tomato soup. I don't know if it is the nostalgia of Sunday night soup before choir practice that I often ate growing up or what but I still prefer it above anything else. I was just recently able to convince my non-picky eater to eat it by adding pasta alphabets and calling it alphabet soup. I have also branched out to get my picky eater to eat tuna melts by just calling it a cheese melt instead. (my girls LOVE cheese) Truth be told I am blessed to have two girls that eat most anything I put in front of them. Of course they have favorite foods but for the most part they are not picky. My philosophy of continuing to put food in front of them, whether they eat it or not has proven to work for me. I kept putting green peppers in front of Emma and now she eats them, she acquired the taste. It is a work in progress, I suppose, to get my kids to eat the way I know it is healthy for them.

I am also a work in progress and am so glad that God keeps working on me to get me to be where He wants me to be. I love the verse in Philippians 1:6 where we can really see that God is not done working on His children, "And I (Paul) am certain that God, who began the wood work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." (NLT) There are several things that I love about this verse. God is not done with me. I wanted to title this post as "I know that He knows that I know that He knows". For me that is part of what this verse is saying. God is letting me in on the secret that He knows that I am a work in progress. Although it is obvious by my thoughts, actions and attitudes that I am a work this is proof that it is His plan to be that way.

I just got a NLT Bible for Valentine's day and really like the way it was translated in this verse. "...will continue his work until it is finally done..." I don't know about you but sometimes I am waiting for that finally to be here now. I desire more than anything to please God, to know Him and to do His will, yet sometimes I get easily distracted by my failures in all those areas. His work in me will not be final until Christ returns. I am a work in progress and I am so thankful for that. God's Word is full of hope that He is working on us and that we are not alone in our struggles. Paul confessed to the church in Rome that "I have discovered this principle of life- that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 7:21-25b NLT) I can't count the number of times that I have thanked God those words are in the Bible.

God is working on all of His children. His word tell us that He is not done yet. Scripture also reminds us that we will have to turn to Jesus Christ as the answer to give us power in this war that we all fight within ourselves. The question I asked myself as I served my girls food they didn't like at one time but now eat willingly is what is God continually placing before me in order to help me choose the things that are healthy and good for me? Recognizing the consequences of my words and actions, recognizing my pride, recognizing my judgemental attitude are all areas that God is placing before me and working on me so that I would make the wise choice. As my Father I know He is giving me good things to "eat" when I read and apply the Scriptures to my life, but I don't always want to change. I sometimes want to keep eating my own diet of selfishness and pride because it is easy and tastes good. Yet it is in His grace that He loves me enough to discipline me towards a righteous life (see Heb. 12:5-11). May I continue to grow in my awareness of the things that God wants to continue working on in my life until the final day comes. His scripture really does have very tasty morsels and to that I say it is Mmm, Mmm Good!

***As and aside, if you do have picky eaters in your house don't consider me an authority on how to help change that. My girls really don't fall into the "picky" category.

Life together

2009-02-13T21:39:00.000-05:00

I love my Church Family! I have that as a piece of flair on my fb page and I really mean it. I enjoy learning and growing and developing relationships with the people I go to church with. I just got back from our small group game night and had a really fun time. We played a rather short game of cranium in which the guys prevailed and then played Rock Band. Although (as I've posted before) I'm not much of a video game player, in the right atmosphere I do find them entertaining. Tonight was one such time. I played the drums and also got a chance to be the lead singer once. I would need more practice to do well at the drums but got a pretty easy song to sing. It was so much fun to just hang out with friends and laugh together.

Rick Warren says, "Following Christ includes belonging, not just believing." I've found that to be true in my own life. Although my relationship with Christ is personal it is not meant to be lived in private. I need other people around me to share with, laugh with, cry with and hold me accountable. I've grown so much by learning from the people God has placed in my life. I am truly blessed to go to a small group that encourages me and accepts me. I want others to experience it too. I am a work in progress and I am so glad He continues to bring people in and out of my life to refine me and sharpen me in order that I reflect Christ more. Thanks to all who have been and continue to be part of my process.

Finding Epaphras

2009-02-08T12:47:00.000-05:00

I love the word of God. I've been reading it daily for 10 years now and I am always amazed at how much God continues to speak to me when I listen. It never seems to fail that I can read something over and over again and yet learn new things. Something new will pop off the page at me as though God is speaking directly to me. In fact, through the gift of the Holy Spirit inside of me, He is.

Yesterday was another one of those days. I've been reading through the new testament over the last month and am in Colossians. I ran across this verse in 4: 12 -"Epaphras, who is one of you, a slave of Christ Jesus, greets you. He is always contending for you in his prayers, so that you can stand mature and fully assured in everything God wills." This is an obscure verse about a mostly unknown guy. I found out from my Bible dictionary that Epaphras was a friend of Paul's who helped evangelize cities and found churches. It was his news about the churches of the Lycus valley that moved Paul to write the letter to the Colossians.

What spoke to me about this man is that he was a man of prayer. Mentioned in other scriptures as a slave of Christ and fellow prisoner he obviously devoted his life to the cause of advancing the gospel of Jesus Christ. He prayed for the church of Colossae. I think the fact that I've just finished reading a couple good parenting books and have been increasing the frevency of my prayers for my kids that this man stuck out to me. I am so very fortunate to have a Epaphras in my life and in the lives of my children. My mother (and father for that matter) pray daily for my family. They, like Epaphras, pray that we would mature and be assured of God's will. I can't thanks them enough. That is may prayer for my children as they grow. I desire for them to know God and experience Him in a personal and life changing way. I desire so much more for them than I can sometimes even attempt to pray so I am grateful that I am not the only person praying for them.

I want to be an Epaphras for my children and even pray for the future generations that are to come in our family. I believe everyone needs people in their lives to contend in prayer for them. We can all learn to pray more fervently and passionately because we pray to a God who really cares. I must admit I often pray selfish prayers that focus only on myself or I want to pray for so many things that I get overwhelmed at where to start or what to pray for. Epaphras prayed I am sure for many people but most importantly for those he loved and knew. Chances are that if you read this blog that I know you well or am on a journey to knowing you well. I am letting you know that I want to be an Epaphras to you, I want to contend in prayer for you and your family that you would stand mature and fully assured in everything God wills. I hope you have other Epaphras' in your life and I ask you to ponder if God is calling you to be an Epaphras to someone else in you life right now. Please feel free to let me know if you have any specific requests that I can lay before the throne of our very great God. Grace and peace be with you.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-02-04T08:27:00.000-05:00

Our small group is going through the Starting Point curriculum right now and one of the going deeper sections suggested looking at this website wwww.fullyrendered.com

I was very touched by the images. Enjoy!

P.S. Sorry I don't know how to make the site a link. My computer skill are once again shown as inadequate.

More closet space

2009-02-02T20:17:00.000-05:00

Well, I have started the venture of potty training Emma. We actually started last Wednesday to be exact. I am pleased to announce that she had an accident free day today. I am so pleased with the progress that she has made in a few short days. I began with the thought that if it didn't work this time I could always start again in a few weeks or even wait till summer. (I had a false start with Lydia once before the real thing). Emma has proven able and willing on this venture. I thought about calling it quits on the second day but I am so glad I didn't. I even got her to use a public potty yesterday at church. I know that there are many who would call me crazy to even try at 19 months but both my girls have done very well at this age and it saves on the cost of diapers. My attitude with Emma has been much better with Emma than it was with Lydia. I was so stressed about it with Lydia but this time I have truly been able to keep a level head and haven't been upset once. I know I have grown. There are a number of other things I have grown in recently, but more on that later.

Now I have to decide what to do with all the extra closet space I will have once the changing table is moved out of Emma's closet. I am so excited to have more space for toys and other kid stuff and be able to get it out of the way. Yeah for more room to organize. Also, if anyone knows of someone who needs a changing table let me know.

Odds and ends

2009-01-28T12:02:00.000-05:00

Well, there are several excuses that seem to have led to my lack of blogging recently. Humor me while I fill you in.

1. It is cold. Really cold. Being that my computer is in our cold basement, I have stayed away from dressing super warm to brave the frigid temperatures. I know that it doesn't take long to blog but that leads me to #2.

2. As a perfectionist I somehow believe that my blogs have to be about something. Yes, I know that the best sitcom of all times is about nothing but I don't have a whole lot of nothing going on in my world either.

3. My grammar is horrible. I am so glad that blogger has spell check or I would be in trouble there too. I love writing in my journal and have done that for many years but knowing that no one would be reading them makes it much easier to write about everything that happens. It has been a long time since I had to write anything that needed to be good so the pressure of a blog that could be read by more than myself can cause me a bit of stress, so go easy on my writing ability please.

4. I've been spending a lot of time thinking, reading and praying recently. This is obviously a good thing to interfere with blogging. I'm through the first 5 books of the new testament and am almost done with Isaiah since the beginning of the year. (That is a lot of reading where I come from.) I'm amazed that although I have read the Bible through several times, things are starting to make more sense and click more now. God has been speaking to me and I've had some really wonderful times of private worship. I feel enriched and have been walking in the Spirit so much more. It really is a God thing and I am so glad He meets me where I am at.

So, I guess what I am saying is that yes I still exist in the world of blogging and hope to post more soon about all that God is doing in my life as well as more about nothing too. Catch you later.

Church girl

2009-01-14T17:59:00.000-05:00

As a non video game kinda person I was a bit chagrin when Justin introduced Lydia to Mario Cart on the Wii. Though they don't often play it I was in the room the other day when a very funny series of events took place. Justin was playing Mario cart and Lydia was holding an extra remote "playing" along. Like I said she doesnot play often but being the bright and observant little girl she catches on to things pretty quickly. Justin tells Lydia that he is looking to get the magic bullet as a reward when he hits certain boxes. (The magic bullet helps you go faster.) He got what he calls the magic bullet and Lydia says something like "Yeah daddy, you got the magic bulleitin". Now that is a girls who has been in church her whole life. I got a kick out of it.

Musical Monday

2009-01-12T18:30:00.001-05:00

I worship and serve a very good God. I am so thankful that His mercy is new every morning and that His patience is like nothing this world has to offer. Today I was looking over a prayer journal from the past year and a half and was unfortunately saddened by the fact that I am still struggling in so many of the same areas. I know there has been growth in my life but it also shows that our problems don't just go away. It takes time, effort and hard work to make lasting change. If you didn't notice I will let you in on a secret, as a christian I left something really important out of that list. In fact I left the most important person out, that is the Holy Spirit. By following the promptings of the Holy Spirit inside of me, that is the only hope I have to experience real and lasting change.

I tend to rely on my own strength and try to make a whole bunch of changes at the same time. I know that His mercy and grace are there for me and I need to cling to Him in all my decisions. Inevitably when I rely on myself and/or make too many changes at once I end up defeated and unchanged. I need to choose to do good and rely on the only one who can help me. I the love HCSB translation on Joshua 24:15 which says, "choose for yourselves today the one you will worship". Sometimes I worship the perfect schedule in which I get everything done that I wanted to, or I worship the emotion that I feel at any given moment. I know that I sometimes worship things, stuff or ideals more than the God who gave me life. It is in those times that I so badly want the Holy Spirit to convict me and remind me that it is my choice to choose TODAY, right now who I will worship. The worship team at my church played this song this week and God really spoke to me through it. I thought I would post it here for all to enjoy. Who or what will you choose TODAY!

Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
I found hope found life
Found all I need
You're all I need

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You

Today today it's all or nothing
All they way
The praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing
To give You praise
In everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You

All we are is Yours
And all we're living for
Is all You are
Is all that You are Lord

Both, yet neither

2009-01-05T20:22:00.000-05:00

"Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary." Luke 10:41

I am a Martha. I get worried, anxious and upset over many things. The funny thing about me being a Martha is that I'm not a very good one. For all my trying to get things done I still have a pile of clothes that needs ironing, a kitchen floor that thankfully hides the grime, a basement that is over-run with too much stuff and a whole list of other things that a true Martha would get done. I guess it is just that I can identify with her busyness and her perfectionism.

This is one of my favorite passages because no matter how many times I've read it or heard it spoken about I always know that I need to live it more. I believe there are definitely parts of me that are Mary too. I earnestly desire to sit at Christ's feet and I take time daily to read His Word and open my heart to hear from Him. Unfortunately I'm not a very good Mary either. My intentions to sit quietly are often interrupted by a child or my own wondering thoughts or even my head nodding off. I desire the time with God but making it a reality doesn't always seem possible.

So here I am stuck between two roles, falling short in both. Not measuring up to actually getting things done and not always choosing the "one thing" that can make all the difference. Without a doubt I can say I have not achieved the balance that I know God has in mind. I want to follow God's priorities rather than my own or those of the world. I want to live a life of simplicity but often add too much junk to make that a reality.

The verse the kids are focusing on this month in church is Colossians 3:23-24 - "Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men, knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord - you serve the Lord Christ." I serve a BIG GOD who can handle the fact that I am messed up. I have flaws and He knows every one. I also know that He is bigger than my mistakes and that He knows my heart. Whether it is a really good day or a really bad day I know that He loves me the same. I know that His grace does not change and is always available. For all my striving to become more I sometimes forget that He knows right where I am at. I wish I could say that I am glad for the challenges that this life presents but what I can say is that I am glad for a God who is with me through the challenges that this life presents.